Lighthearted update non-adoption related

I was thinking this weekend that I never updated all my readers about what happened to the men who made their way to my blog during the 'finding myself' months when BF and I were not together as a couple.

Some of the stories are good so here we go.

I went out a couple of times with an older gentleman who had been a friend of mine for a couple of years. He was very nice but I had no romantic chemistry with him. He tried for months to try to continue a relationship with me but I was just not interested. I am glad to report he has found love and I am so happy for him.

Then there was the guy from Nashville. I flew out there to spend a weekend with him and it was a fun experience. We kept up a long distance phone/text relationship after that and had he not been crazy, it might have worked out. ;-) He really is crazy. Certifiably. I ended things with him citing that we had different expectations. I expected him to be nice to me, and he expected me to tolerate his psychotic behavior. It just didn't work out. He has texted me about three times since then telling me he misses me. Whatever...

Then there was 'my guy'. He was so good to me and my kids and we had a great time together. He had been a friend for a couple of years too. Once we started dating we were inseperable. But for those who might remember, he was collateral damage when BF came back to me and told me he wanted to reconcile and build a life together. But my guy's story is the best of them all.

My guy was devastated when we broke up and I felt so bad. But it appears I was a stepping stone for him to find his love. Turns out he and one of my dearest friends started talking when we broke up (like 10 days later). And as they say, the rest is history. They now live together and he is the hero that she has been waiting for. He is great to her kids, who needed a daddy, and he is super affectionate which is exactly what she wanted. I still have to double take when I look at their profile pics on FB because it is a bit strange to me to see them together. But, they deserve all the happiness in the world, so I moved past it.

And finally, my favorite story for sick and twisted reasons. The firefighter. The man who pursued me and 'forgot' to mention that he was married. When I called him out on being married we stopped talking. However his last text message to me was "I think you're special." or something to that effect. Well... he accidentally sent that text message to his WIFE instead of me. And that my friends started the ball rolling.

He ended up confessing to her that he had stared a 'friendship' with me and she was clear with him that was inappropriate and it landed them in counseling. YAY! I have only spoken to him once since that text message exchange with me, but it was then that he told me about what had happened with his wife and he also apologized to me for not being truthful with me.

I am hopeful that this is a changing point in their relationship and that they can repair what had obviously not been working. I am so glad I had nothing to regret in that relationship. I was an unknowing player and got out before it got super ugly.

So there you have it. The rest of the story.

Re-reading all of the above makes me really realize how I am so glad that my story has ended how it has with BF. It is the ending I have always hoped for. And I am happy.

Lunch with the boys at school

Over the past week I have had lunch with my two youngest boys at each of their schools.  Here are some fun pictures that show that I am not a sad melancholy momma.  I can be fun too!

Mom and D.  Really he does like me, just not in front of his friends.

D and his friends.

Mom eating LanMan's ice cream.

Lisa eating BF's son's pizza.  (He is the same age as LanMan and goes to the same school.)

Fingers crossed

I think about Brit all the time.  I wish she was with us and sharing our crazy life.

I know Brit has no idea that there is even a crazy world out there. She is sheltered, cherished and loved.  Living the existence a one year old should have.

So during the the last two weeks, I am glad to say I have been able to think about Brit without tears streaming down my face.  I can think about her without the deep anguish that usually debilitates me.

Then Sunday something absolutely amazing happened.  I received an email from Brit's mom.  She responded to an email I had sent back to her husband when he sent the last update which was about a week ago.

You see, in the beginning, I used to send long emails back to Brit's parents telling them what was going on in our lives.  I would attach a couple of pictures thinking they would appreciate seeing what we were up to, just like I enjoy hearing about their family.

Later I learned that Brit's mom had a hard time looking at our pictures.  She would see pictures of me and be reminded how much Brit looked like me.

When I found that out, I stopped sending them.

As time went on, I stopped talking much about our life at all.  Instead I would thank them for the updates and respond kindly to whatever story they shared with us about Brit.

Never once would they follow up and ask how we were doing.  They wouldn't ask what we were up to.  Our information sharing was definitely a one way street.  They shared what they wanted us to know, and we thanked them.

But this time, I just disregarded my past discretion and decided that I wanted to start sharing back with them again.  Now that they have two more children (the twins just born this summer), I felt like the infertility grief and the sadness about Brit possibly being their only child might be better now.  Maybe it wouldn't be so threatening to send pictures and stories about us now.

So I did.  I sent a long email telling them what we have been up to and attached several pictures.

And this time, Brit's MOM wrote back.  That is a really big deal.  First of all, she has to be exhausted.  She has newborn twins and a one year old.  Plus she has to be an emotional mess.  She just gave birth.  She should be on a hormone roller coaster.

But she sent a super nice email in response to what I had sent.  Now, she didn't mention the pictures at all.  But she did acknowledge the things I shared about what was going on in our lives.  And she even ended the email saying she was going to try to get a picture of Brit swinging the golf clubs we sent her.

It is amazing how an email that would be so small and insignificant in any other relationship was a HUGE deal to me in this relationship.  It was almost the kind of email that we used to exchange before Brit was born.

I am so hopeful that this might be an indicator that things might get better.  Maybe we can re-establish the kind of relationship that I enjoyed pre-baby.

Fingers crossed.

Who are you LisaAnne?

I really am a multi-dimensional person.  I promise I am.

In real life, I don't talk about adoption or being a birth mom most days.  It is only here in my blog that I am THAT Lisa. 

Otherwise, I am the everyday mom of three crazy boys.  I yell at them.  I ignore them when they are driving me crazy.  I tell them I love them.  I scratch their backs and look at their ouchies.  I go to ball games (lots and lots of them).  I feed my kids dinner in the car.  I make dinner for them.  I call them to find out where they are.  I bug them. My boys hate me and love me, sometimes at the same time.

I have friends who do not have adopted children nor are they birth mothers to children being raised by another family.  I do not announce I am a birthmother to new people, not because I am ashamed, but because it is too complicated to explain.

I am a Christian, a sister, a babysitter, a friend, a daughter, a girlfriend and an employee.  I am a committee member, on the board of directors for a couple of organizations, and a children's church teacher. 

I forgive others easily.  I have attention deficit issues.  I love deeply, but I also love quickly.  I was a good student, but liked my social life even more than that.

I am happy most of the time.

I have a Diet Coke/Coke Zero addiction.  Really bad.

I love people.  The people I know today, and the people I will meet today.

I believe that most people are good.  And I believe that people try to do the right thing almost all the time.  I have been accused of being naive in this area.  That's OK, I like it like that.  It makes it easier to wake up in the morning.

But here in the blog-o-sphere, I read my posts and I realize that I come off as a pitiful, whiny, unhappy mother. 

I wanted to tell you I am more than that.  I have to remind myself that I am more than that.

But enough talking already, I need to head off to a ball game.  LanMan is in the semi-finals in a baseball tournament and I have the Princess with me so we need to pack up the baby stuff and get out the door!

Got an update today

I got an update with Easter pictures from Brit's family today.  She is so happy.  So loved.  And so stinkin cute!

Her dad writes the funniest email updates.  Nothing against updates from the mom, but the dad is a crack up.

I saw the pictures, read the email and didn't cry.

I am actually OK with it today.

Progress?  Maybe.

This is a slightly creepy picture of me, but you get the idea.

Or maybe today is just a good day. 

Whatever the reason, I will rejoice that I can look at pictures of sweet Brit and be happy, not sad.

Look on the internet

This blog is all about my life as a birthmom.  Generally it is fairly melancholy.  Which is a bit ironic because I am an incredibly positive person.  And the majority of my life is consumed with parenting the crazy boys I have.  Especially the youngest one.

So for a little levity, here is but one of the many little quips that D had for me last night.  This kid makes me laugh out loud. (And he makes me pull my hair out and scream, but those are other stories.)  He is 10 years old and knows just about everything.  Just ask him.

D: Do you know what the center of the earth is made of?

Mom:  Yes, magma.

D: WRONG! It's iron surrounded by magma.  And it will take billions of years to heat up the other layers of earth and melt them too.  Since the earth is only 2,000 years old, that will take a long time.

Mom:  The earth is much older than 2,000 years.  Jesus died 2011 years ago.  That is when we started counting years.

D:  I didn't know that!  That's cool that we started counting when Jesus died.  Who was Jesus's dad?

Mom: God, but Joseph adopted him as his son here on earth.

D: That's what I meant.  I know Jesus is God's son.  I just wondered who his dad was.  When is his birthday again?

Mom: Remember we celebrate it at Christmas time. But no one completely knows when his real birthday was.

D:  It doesn't tell us in the Bible?

Mom:  No.

D:  Why don't we just look it up on the internet?

I burst out laughing.  I love that idea.  If the Bible doesn't tell us something, just Google it!




D catching hail using a bucket on his head.  He is ingenious.



D with his hail booty.  It is still in our freezer from 2 weeks ago.

It's Friday!

I don't like pulling up my blog and seeing the ugly words from the last post, so I am on a mission to move them down the list and start filling my blog with a few more happy thoughts.

So here is mine for this morning.  I work at a recreation center and today we are hosting a Special Olympics basketball tournament.

There is no greater joy than watching these teams play.  OK, maybe a little mommy joy too, my oldest son J is volunteering as an official - and he LOVES it!  He got up early this morning and it was the first thing he talked about and he was out the door in record time so he could make sure he wasn't late.  **love that**

Everyone should get to come to work and see this level of joy first thing in the morning.  I think the roof on this building might just blow off from all of the excitement from the players. 

I want to live with that kind of joy.  Today is the best day ever for every one of them.  Until tomorrow, when that could be the best day ever too. :)

Maybe I'll get some pictures later to share.

The Encore

I was just reminded of something precious that happened after I had given birth to Brit.

I was laying in bed snuggled up with Brit in my arm and her birthfather was on the other side of us.  He and I were talking about how surreal it was that we were there.  Looking down at the only daughter either of us would ever have.  We talked about how we were closer to 40 than we were to 30.  And how neither of us would have ever guessed that we would be holding a brand new child of our own at this point in our lives.

Her birthfather looked down at our precious sleeping baby girl and said "You Brit, are our encore!"

I just laughed.  How right he was.  Brit was our encore.  And while she was a finale for her birthfather and me, she was a new beginning for her parents.

It makes me smile just thinking about it.

Brit sleeping while snuggled with her birthfather.  A beautiful encore indeed!

If I could create the perfect adoption relationship

The Rebekahs are my heros.  It's as simple as that.  Yes, it is weird that they have the exact same name, and one is the birthmom and the other the adoptive mom.  But after learning more about them, suddenly the shared name makes perfect sense.  They were meant to be a part of each other's lives. 

If I could paint a picture of an adoption relationship that is seemingly ideal, their's would be the relationship I would model.

Thank you for sharing your story with the world Rebekah(s). 

If you aren't already followers of their blogs, you should.  Even when the story is painful, it is filled with hope and love.

An interview with the Rebekahs

Heart Cries - The adoptive mother's blog

Sailing My Way Through - The birthmother's blog

PS - Adoptive mom, Rebekah, has been a most inspirational cheerleader for me.  She has listened to me pour my heart out and she encouraged me and prayed for me in my days of unbearable grief.  She is completely AWESOME!

Tomorrow we make the big announcement

My blog life doesn't always reflect my real life because I use my blog to talk about my adoption feelings for therapy.  But like my post yesterday, I want to share happy things that are also happening in my life. 

I am excited to be working with the Extreme Makeover Home Edition production team to coordinate a build for a deserving family in the Wichita KS area.  It has taken every minute of my spare time, but it will be so worth it when the family gets their new home.  They deserve it.

So in addition to being a full time working mom, I am also a volunteer with any extra minute I have.  Now it probably makes sense why I am so stressed out all the time.

But back to the happy - tomorrow we surprise the family who will be receiving the new home.  And I can't wait!!!!!