There just aren't cards that say "Thank you for being such a great father to my child who I chose not to parent myself." (Thank heavens there are no cards that say that, because that would be plain rude. But self depriciating humor is OK when it comes from me.)
After much searching, I finally found an awesome card which had the perfect message:
You mean the world to both of us.
We don't say it as often as we should,
but we are so thankful to have you in our lives,
and today especially you're being sent
many wishes for happiness
and a Father's Day filled with love.
It was just perfect. So I signed my name and BF's name and a quick note wishing him the happiest of Father's Days.
As I signed the card, I found myself thinking about why I send them cards on holidays like this.
Am I trying to win their friendship?
Am I trying to guilt them into expanding their relationship with us?
Am I being honest when I tell them I am thankful that they are Brit's parents?
Am I just saying one thing, but feeling and thinking another thing?
I hope that none of those are true. But it has made me do some serious introspective thinking.
After some thought, I came to the following conclusions.
- I want them to be friends with us. Not because we are Brit's birthparents, but because they like us. We really are funny, cool people. I promise!
- I really do like both of them. I would want to be their friends even if they were not parenting our daughter.
- I am glad that they love Brit as much as they do.
- They are really good parents to Brit. No question about it.
- Yes, I am trying to extend the olive branch to them by sending cards and kind emails. I want those efforts on my part to be an example of the relationship I would like to see extended to us in return. But if they never choose to do those things, I will still send kind cards and emails. Because even if they don't share the same feelings, when they adopted my daughter, they became a part of my family. Forever. Even when things are tough.
So, I will send my cards and write my emails. And even if I have to love them from a distance, just like I do Brit, I will keep at it. Because it is all worth it in the end. Even if it is hard.