Friday, April 5, 2013

Openess in adoption as defined by my friends

It has been a while since I last posted here.  This blog has become a strange place for me, because it used to be a place where I would share my heart about MY story, but it has now changed to a place where I feel like I can talk about adoption, openness and loss, but not with personal anecdotes.

With that said, if you are a follower of this blog who wants to continue to follow my personal story it is now found on a private blog that is protected.  You can gain access by emailing me at and letting me know who you are and what your connection is to my blog or to adoption.  I do not intend to keep anyone out, but instead just protect our privacy by not allowing anyone who has intimate knowledge of our situation in real life.  Only select IRL friends have access to the blog so if you are someone who wants to continue to follow, don't hesitate to ask.

With that said, I know I say it over and over again, but one of the amazing things that has come from my adoption experience is the friendships I have developed with other mothers; mothers of loss, birthmothers who are in satisfying open adoptions, adoptees and surprisingly, the close relationships I have created with a couple of adoptive mothers.

Two of these friends are Amber at Bumber's Bumblings, and L at What Makes a Real Family

A couple of weeks ago, both responded to an Open Adoption Roundtable  that asked bloggers to post about what openness in adoption means to them.  My dear friend Amber has this to say in her post What is openness?  L also responded with her quick, but succinct answer What Openness Means to Me.

Both of these women embrace openness in adoption and because of that, they experience fullness of relationship.  Both relationship with their children and relationship with their children's extended families.  I love reading their stories.  I hope you can take time to read some of their posts too.  It is worth the time invested.

On a personal front, I am dealing with my adoption grief very well these days.  I am reading several books about open adoption.  I have contacted several people asking about adoption facilitators and referrals to ones in my area (haven't found one yet - let me know if you know anyone in Kansas please).  I have had a couple of my adoptive mom friend offer to fly here and try to sit down and talk with me and Brit's family.  (I told you I have great friends!)

I have also continued to tell myself that we are just a couple years into this process and I still have time to re-establish a relationship with our daughter and her family.

On her birthday two weeks ago, I was really struggling and BF kindly reminded me that her birthday is not a day to MOURN but a day to CELEBRATE her life.  And while her life is not shared by us, it will be some day.  He is right.  So I remind myself, SOMEDAY.

This is not where I expected to be.  This is not what I expected to be struggling through.  Adoption is not what I expected it to be.  The rainbows and unicorns never arrived for me.

But as I told a friend just this week - I AM BEING REFINED BY GOD FOR GREAT THINGS!

These difficulties and the pain will be worth it someday.  I must claim that.  Because otherwise the pain could be unbearable.