Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Fingers crossed

I think about Brit all the time.  I wish she was with us and sharing our crazy life.

I know Brit has no idea that there is even a crazy world out there. She is sheltered, cherished and loved.  Living the existence a one year old should have.

So during the the last two weeks, I am glad to say I have been able to think about Brit without tears streaming down my face.  I can think about her without the deep anguish that usually debilitates me.

Then Sunday something absolutely amazing happened.  I received an email from Brit's mom.  She responded to an email I had sent back to her husband when he sent the last update which was about a week ago.

You see, in the beginning, I used to send long emails back to Brit's parents telling them what was going on in our lives.  I would attach a couple of pictures thinking they would appreciate seeing what we were up to, just like I enjoy hearing about their family.

Later I learned that Brit's mom had a hard time looking at our pictures.  She would see pictures of me and be reminded how much Brit looked like me.

When I found that out, I stopped sending them.

As time went on, I stopped talking much about our life at all.  Instead I would thank them for the updates and respond kindly to whatever story they shared with us about Brit.

Never once would they follow up and ask how we were doing.  They wouldn't ask what we were up to.  Our information sharing was definitely a one way street.  They shared what they wanted us to know, and we thanked them.

But this time, I just disregarded my past discretion and decided that I wanted to start sharing back with them again.  Now that they have two more children (the twins just born this summer), I felt like the infertility grief and the sadness about Brit possibly being their only child might be better now.  Maybe it wouldn't be so threatening to send pictures and stories about us now.

So I did.  I sent a long email telling them what we have been up to and attached several pictures.

And this time, Brit's MOM wrote back.  That is a really big deal.  First of all, she has to be exhausted.  She has newborn twins and a one year old.  Plus she has to be an emotional mess.  She just gave birth.  She should be on a hormone roller coaster.

But she sent a super nice email in response to what I had sent.  Now, she didn't mention the pictures at all.  But she did acknowledge the things I shared about what was going on in our lives.  And she even ended the email saying she was going to try to get a picture of Brit swinging the golf clubs we sent her.

It is amazing how an email that would be so small and insignificant in any other relationship was a HUGE deal to me in this relationship.  It was almost the kind of email that we used to exchange before Brit was born.

I am so hopeful that this might be an indicator that things might get better.  Maybe we can re-establish the kind of relationship that I enjoyed pre-baby.

Fingers crossed.


m&msmommy said...

I can't even begin to imagine what a huge deal that was for you and what a smile it put on your face!!!!! :) I pray that she continues to work on re-establishing a relationship with you, the relationship you had before Brit was born. I'm sure it was a beautiful bond! :)

MommySquared said...

time does help everyone find their place ... keeping fingers crossed alongside you that this is the beginning of the relationship with Brit's family that you had hoped for all of you :)

Monika said...

While I don't have the same relationship (or lack thereof) with my daughter's parents that you do, I can definitely put myself in your place. That is such an awesome step forward! I'm so glad she responded back and I hope alongside you and the other 2 comments that this is just the first step in getting back the relationship you once had. Praying for you! *hugs*

Susie said...

Yes ~ that is a HUGE deal! I'm smiling just thinking of how wonderful that had to be for you. Crossing my fingers and toes that this is just the beginning of a growing relationship between all of you!

Jake and Terri said...

This is so wonderful. I have been reaidng your story and praying things will change! Thank you for sharing your downs and I am so glad there is an UP to share now!

birthmothertalks said...

Very exciting! Hoping it's only gets better from here out.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I am hoping this will be the start of something new for your relationship with Brits parents! Will continue to keep praying for open lines of communication!

- Janine

MariAnell said...

That is exciting! I hope it is a sign of even better things to come.

Anonymous said...

Such wonderful news! I am thrilled. Perhaps having her own experience giving birth has allowed her to see that ties to one's family are VERY important, and seeing you in Brit is something to celebrate, not be threatened by. Wow. She is learning.

I've been reading your blog and crying as I've watched your eyes open to see that you ARE Brit's mother, through and through. She has two mothers, no matter what. I don't want you to beat yourself up, because what's done is done, but when I read you describe yourself as "a tired, single mom" and say that Brit's amom was "better" for her, all I can see is that Brit's amom is a "tired" mom of twins at the moment. That's not better. Just a different tired mom. Sigh.

As an adoptee, I cringe when first moms call our amoms "better" for whatever reason. They're not. They're just different. And please, we're never "birth daughters" and "adoptive daughters." When do we ever get to be just "daughters"? Seriously? Enough with the labels.

Hugs, and wishing you the best on this new path.