Fingers crossed

I think about Brit all the time.  I wish she was with us and sharing our crazy life.

I know Brit has no idea that there is even a crazy world out there. She is sheltered, cherished and loved.  Living the existence a one year old should have.

So during the the last two weeks, I am glad to say I have been able to think about Brit without tears streaming down my face.  I can think about her without the deep anguish that usually debilitates me.

Then Sunday something absolutely amazing happened.  I received an email from Brit's mom.  She responded to an email I had sent back to her husband when he sent the last update which was about a week ago.

You see, in the beginning, I used to send long emails back to Brit's parents telling them what was going on in our lives.  I would attach a couple of pictures thinking they would appreciate seeing what we were up to, just like I enjoy hearing about their family.

Later I learned that Brit's mom had a hard time looking at our pictures.  She would see pictures of me and be reminded how much Brit looked like me.

When I found that out, I stopped sending them.

As time went on, I stopped talking much about our life at all.  Instead I would thank them for the updates and respond kindly to whatever story they shared with us about Brit.

Never once would they follow up and ask how we were doing.  They wouldn't ask what we were up to.  Our information sharing was definitely a one way street.  They shared what they wanted us to know, and we thanked them.

But this time, I just disregarded my past discretion and decided that I wanted to start sharing back with them again.  Now that they have two more children (the twins just born this summer), I felt like the infertility grief and the sadness about Brit possibly being their only child might be better now.  Maybe it wouldn't be so threatening to send pictures and stories about us now.

So I did.  I sent a long email telling them what we have been up to and attached several pictures.

And this time, Brit's MOM wrote back.  That is a really big deal.  First of all, she has to be exhausted.  She has newborn twins and a one year old.  Plus she has to be an emotional mess.  She just gave birth.  She should be on a hormone roller coaster.

But she sent a super nice email in response to what I had sent.  Now, she didn't mention the pictures at all.  But she did acknowledge the things I shared about what was going on in our lives.  And she even ended the email saying she was going to try to get a picture of Brit swinging the golf clubs we sent her.

It is amazing how an email that would be so small and insignificant in any other relationship was a HUGE deal to me in this relationship.  It was almost the kind of email that we used to exchange before Brit was born.

I am so hopeful that this might be an indicator that things might get better.  Maybe we can re-establish the kind of relationship that I enjoyed pre-baby.

Fingers crossed.