Monday, October 29, 2012

Living and laughing

While I think about Brit many times, every single day, we do still make sure that we are fully living with the children we are raising.  I would be lying if I told you I don't imagine how it would be different if she were with us at each activity we go to with the boys, but I do make a concerted effort to be present for the kiddos who are with us.

Here is just a snapshot into the fun from the pumpkin patch/corn maze last night.  (Ironically, the pumpkin patch was out of pumpkins - go figure.)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Laughing out loud - ignorance in open adoption

I am super excited that Open Adoption Roundtable is once again hosting the Open Adoption Bloggers Interview Project.  I just love learning more about other open adoption families and connecting with other mothers.

So I signed on to do it again this year.  I have actually been looking forward to this for a while.  Strange I know, but sometimes a girl just needs something to look forward to. ;)

I got my pairing sent to me and the first thing you are supposed to do is to read their blog so you better understand what their experiences are as an open adoption blogger.

I couldn't be more delighted to have gotten my pairing for this year.  As I sit here reading through her blog, I find myself laughing out loud because I am pretty sure she and I share the same 'broken filter' when it comes to the things we actually say out loud.  I love that she posts like she probably speaks.  It is amazing to read real words from a real person.

But before I leave for a lunch meeting, I just have to share this post with you.  I laughed out loud in my office.  So loud, I am pretty sure that even with my door shut, people are wondering.

Sometimes families just don't get it...

I can't wait to get to interview this woman!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Life in pictures

I just looked and it has been over 3 weeks since my last post.  To be honest, it has been nearly that long since I have really even sat down and read other's blogs.  I feel so out of the loop!

Me and my sister Amber in CA
During that time I have been living the busy life of a sports mom, full time employee and even had a couple of dates with the BF.  Most notably I was out of town in California last week for a full 8 days for a work conference. I got to visit my sister who lives in Hollywood.  I rarely see her so it was great to have a one on one visit with her in her element.  She always comes back here to visit us.  Our visit went really well.  BF was with me for half of the trip and we were able to enjoy some couple time which was great too.  Being away from the boys for a full week was hard.  But everyone seemed to live through it so I guess that is a successful trip!

Yes, we met the Little Person version of Mr. T while in Hollywood.  Imagine that!

At the conference there was a wildlife booth that allowed you to hold snakes.  This little guy is a python who loved wrapping up around my neck and nestling in my hair. 
Nothing new on the adoption front.  I did have a heartbreaking conversation with D (my 11 year old) the other day in the car. Out of the blue he asked me if Brit's parents offered to "sell her back to us" for 2 million dollars, would we pay that?  I told him absolutely, without hesitation.  He asked how we would do that because we don't have $2mil and I told him that when you want something badly enough you make it happen.  I did follow up with him to make sure he understood that we did not "sell" Brit to her adoptive parents.  He assured me that he knew that, but he was just wondering.  Apparently he thinks about how things would be different if she was with us more than I know.

Brit's parents have indicated to us that they are reading my blog so that is another reason I have been quiet for a while.  Apparently some of my posts offend them and their friends from time to time.  Honestly, after reading back over my blog posts I don't find them to be terribly offensive, just truthful perspective from my side of being a birth mother who wishes her adoption circumstances were different.  They were also clear that there will be no more pictures of Brit shared with us if I don't stop posting them.  So for those of you who love the Brit pictures you will just have take my word for it, she gets cuter by the day.

BF and I put together a fall/Halloween gift bag for Brit and both her brother and sister.  I dropped them off at a local business in their town so they could pick them up there.  I just couldn't justify the shipping cost for gift bags with dollar store presents in them.  I did text and ask my friend who works there and I asked if they ever came and picked them up and she said they did.  I'm glad.  I hope the kids like the activities.

While we were in California, BF and I also got Brit and her siblings each a Mickey/Minnie Mouse hat.  We also threw in a sweatshirt for Brit because it matched her hat.  Those items I did ship since I was in CA at the time.  The shipping was as much as I paid for all three hats!  Crazy.

Since I have nothing significant to say I will end with just a few fun pictures from life lately.

The little Princess I watch every weekend laughing in the backseat of my car.  She will be 2 in December!

BF's oldest son is a runner (like his dad).  He just finished cross country season while also playing competitive soccer.

D practicing his most serious football face before a game.

BF's youngest son (blonde on rt) after a football game

D and my niece creating bracelets at a local bead store this past weekend.

My sweet nephew also made his own bracelet.

My adorable niece who has the sweetest freckles you have ever seen.

This is how my boys look most of the time.  Eyes fixed on their electronics.

LanMan (laying across the couch) and BF's oldest son (red shirt  with eyes closed on couch) have the same first hour class.  This picture was taken during class down time.  Looks like fun to me!

A girl in LanMan's class has ovarian cancer (horrible!) and all the kids took picture of heart hands to send to her to let her know they think about her.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Buying a car and adoption

It's funny how when you are dealing with something, everything around you reminds you of your struggle.  Especially with grief.  When you lose someone you love even the air you breathe can remind you of them.  The trees whisper their name.  Dreams bring them to visit.

I find this so true of my adoption situation.  Nearly everything reminds me of the daughter that we do not have in our lives.

A glaring example has been the past two weeks.  I had to buy a new car.  Mine was finally at death's door and my mechanic told me he wouldn't work on it any more because I just needed to buy a new car.

So I did the car lots visits.  I researched online.  I drove several cars for several days.

The new car
Finally, this weekend, I purchased a new car.  Yes, a brand new car.  Something I have never had before in my life, because let'e be honest, who can really afford a new car?

But I did it anyway, because now that I live with BF I have no household expenses and I can afford a car payment.  So what is the problem with that?

The first thought in my mind was if I had Brit with us right now, the money I will be spending on a car payment would be what I would be paying for daycare.

The thought immediately made me resent the new car and the trade off that it represents in my life.

Little Princess playing in the playhouse
at the car dealership
And to top it off, when the kids got in the car after the soccer game on Sunday, BF's oldest son looked at Little Princess (the little girl I babysit every weekend) who I had buckled in her car seat, and said to her "Hi Brit!"  Then he caught himself and said "I mean Little Princess."

I could hardly breathe.

Apparently I am not the only one who thinks about Brit.