Thursday, July 26, 2012

Surprisingly OK, I think...

Yesterday was the 25th and like clockwork, we got our monthly email around 9:30pm.  Brit's dad included 4 adorable pictures (which if you are my FB friend you have already seen).

His email was funny, as always.  I love the stories he tells about Brit.  I feel like I know a little bit more about her life every time I read an email he sends.

I wish I could share the emails with all of you.  Because if I did, I think any person who would read the them would assume we are all best of friends.  The emails are casual, kind, and offer a small picture into Brit's life.  Every email ends with Love, and he signs all of their names (even the babies).

It is so strange to me.  To get these kind emails that by all indications seem to show that our relationship is good, healthy and interactive in some way.

I suppose that is why it is hard to accept that when we email them back, our emails just go to the abyss.  Because it seems like when I email them, I am emailing a friend.

The same is true when I am at the grocery store and I run into Brit's dad (which has happened probably 5 different times with me, and probably 3 times with BF).  We stand there, chat, and never would you guess that there would be any unresolved issues between us.

There is so much more that I could expound upon here with regard to this strange dynamic, but that would not be my original point for this post.

Today I just wanted to post that I got the email, read it, saw the pictures and was able to move on, without any tears.  I didn't get t lump in my throat.  I simply read the email, enjoyed it, and moved on to the next thing.


For some reason in my mind, I read that email and felt the kind feelings I have toward my sister when she shares photos with me of her son (who is the exact same age as Brit).  I was able to laugh, inspect the photos, and it did not cause me two steps backward.

It seems that while I don't like it, I have gotten to some level of acceptance of where this all stands right now. I suppose that is a good thing.  

So why does just typing that, make me cry?...

Maybe I'm not as OK as I think.


J said...

So glad you're feeling a little more peaceful, I really hope it lasts (for your sake!)

It is just so bizarre that they're friendly in their scheduled interactions but won't extend their friendship in any other way. Maybe because the monthly emails are on their terms, and they're too embarrassed to be rude at the store? You must be so confused.

Have you ever seen a picture of the twins? They didn't bring them to the visit I know, just wondering if they keep them entirely out of the relationship.

Anonymous said...

My dear friend,
You know I have a different spin on this than you do. I was going to post on here what my 'spin' is, I decided against posting it, but I just can't refrain, so I'm going to post it anyway.

I have my own thoughts about why they are writing the letters the way they are, I have my own opinion about why they act the way that they do when they have no other choice but to interact with you when you 'bump' into them.

They are living a facade, a fantasy, and they will be able to show that fantasy to Brit one day.
There, I said it.

I'm glad that you were able to think for a moment about 'acceptance', and hopefully, a moment of peace. We both could use that, Lord knows we haven't had any since the day our children left us.

My opinion was not to 'bring you down' or 'burst your optimistic bubble', but to make you consider to prepare for the alternative (like that is even possible).

I am happy that you think you may have found or be coming to the 'acceptance' stage.

You know where I am, literally and figuratively. (HUGS)

BumbersBumblings said...

Oh friend! I loved all the pictures!! She is sooo precious!! I'm so glad today was a better day for you. I might have to agree with the above comment.

Have you ever run into her (b's a-mom) out and about? Is it just the dad that is kind?

Katherine said...

You daughter is darling, precious, beautiful and all around sweet as can be!!!! Those curls just make me smile. I am SO glad you have found a bit of peace and acceptance... That that took me many many many years to find. Like you said, it is a BIG deal. I pray your healing continues! I pray your daughter will someday know how much she is loved and treasured by all!

Venessa said...

Love the sweet pictures of her! I pray that the relationship they show in the emails becomes one that they show you in person.

m&msmommy said...

She is SOO sweet and a spitting image of you and BF! :)

Anonymous said...

I agree that they are keeping up a pretense. And, I think they are doing the bare minimum of what they agreed upon, back when they were acting like they were your BFFs so they could get you to give them your child. I really just don't get why they didn't go the private route, since they obviously wanted very little contact.

As someone who has suffered infertility for years at a time, I get what it is to want a child so badly. But what they have done to you all is reprehensible. I worry every time I come to your blog that I will read that they moved somewhere so they could avoid you altogether. I hope that never happens, Lisa.

If it makes you have even a small degree of comfort, I have a friend in his late 30s who found his birth family recently. He is like a new person. He has stated many times that adoptions should all be open, because the children are what matter, and should tie the families together, not separate them with fear. I agree.