Sunday, March 6, 2011
I asked the boyfriend (herein after referred to as BF), what he and the dad talked about on the phone. I wish boys weren't so hard to get information from!!! You have to drag every single word out of them. Or at least the ones I know.
Anyhow, some of the things he told me that stuck in my head. Most significant of them all was when he met the dad at Christmas time and gave him the presents that we had bought for Brit, the dad told him that several times he has wanted to tell Brit's mom that she needs to quit worrying about whether or not I want to take Brit back. The dad told BF that he often wants to just say out loud, "they signed the papers, there is nothing they can do to take her back."
I guess in the back of my mind, I probably knew that this was a possible thought that she might be having during this time that she has not communicated with us, but that was the first time I had heard it out loud. (Side note: WHY DIDN'T BF TELL ME THIS IN DECEMBER?!?!?)
We talked about several things, one that made me cry which I will share later. But here is what I was most struck by.
BF (I guess that could even stand for birthfather - just thought of that!), is really excited about being able to see Brit. He talked about what he would like to see our future look like with her. How he hopes our relationship changes. His dreams for transparency and intimate contact with her parents.
This is the same man who never even speaks of OUR future together. As a matter of fact, today when I asked him point blank about what his plans are for "us" he walked over, kissed me and said, "let's find some night this week when we don't have kids and talk about it".
Does that scream fear of commitment?
Anyway, he is so excited about the possibilities that opening up our adoption could offer. The things he was saying are all things I feel but never say out loud to him because I know it makes him terribly uncomfortable when I get upset about Brit and how much I miss her. So instead I just don't talk to him about it at all. Yes, I know, not healthy.
So even if the visit doesn't happen as soon as I would like it to, at least I know there is someone else who wants it as badly as I do.
So like so many of the endings I give to my posts. I will wait.
God is teaching me patience. I don't want to LEARN patience, I want to be GRANTED patience.