Sunday, March 6, 2011

Still waiting

I have neglected the blog for over a week. But I wanted to wait until I could announce when we were going to get to meet Brit.

However, that hasn't happened yet.  I asked my boyfriend (such a strange term for a man who is almost 39), if he had heard back from Brit's dad, but he hasn't.  He assured me this is OK, because Brit's dad is a basketball coach and he is super busy right now.

I asked the boyfriend (herein after referred to as BF), what he and the dad talked about on the phone.  I wish boys weren't so hard to get information from!!!  You have to drag every single word out of them.  Or at least the ones I know.

Anyhow, some of the things he told me that stuck in my head.  Most significant of them all was when he met the dad at Christmas time and gave him the presents that we had bought for Brit, the dad told him that several times he has wanted to tell Brit's mom that she needs to quit worrying about whether or not I want to take Brit back.  The dad told BF that he often wants to just say out loud, "they signed the papers, there is nothing they can do to take her back."

I guess in the back of my mind, I probably knew that this was a possible thought that she might be having during this time that she has not communicated with us, but that was the first time I had heard it out loud.  (Side note: WHY DIDN'T BF TELL ME THIS IN DECEMBER?!?!?)

We talked about several things, one that made me cry which I will share later.  But here is what I was most struck by.

BF (I guess that could even stand for birthfather - just thought of that!), is really excited about being able to see Brit.  He talked about what he would like to see our future look like with her.  How he hopes our relationship changes.  His dreams for transparency and intimate contact with her parents.

This is the same man who never even speaks of OUR future together.  As a matter of fact, today when I asked him point blank about what his plans are for "us" he walked over, kissed me and said, "let's find some night this week when we don't have kids and talk about it".

Does that scream fear of commitment?

I digressed. 

Anyway, he is so excited about the possibilities that opening up our adoption could offer.  The things he was saying are all things I feel but never say out loud to him because I know it makes him terribly uncomfortable when I get upset about Brit and how much I miss her.  So instead I just don't talk to him about it at all.  Yes, I know, not healthy.

So even if the visit doesn't happen as soon as I would like it to, at least I know there is someone else who wants it as badly as I do.

So like so many of the endings I give to my posts.  I will wait.

God is teaching me patience.  I don't want to LEARN patience, I want to be GRANTED patience.

1 comment:

A Life Being Lived said...

BF sounds like an amazing man....:) I love that he is involved and active in communication with Brit's parents. I just LOVE when men step up and do what they need to do, and it's awesome that both of Brit's fathers are doing that. I know it's hard to be a birthparent but it sounds like this experience has brought you two closer and this will honestly be so great for her in the future knowing that all four of her parents are open and communicating and have a good relationship. I an sending you a big hug and I know the visit will go great. Everything takes time, so we wait, and we wait, but sometimes our patience is rewarded tenfold!