Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Pray for those who hurt you
It is very interesting that she is so vehement in her passion for forgetting about the part of the adoption triad that made her a parent. I am hopeful and prayerful that something changes in her life to allow her to see what a beautiful thing open adoption can be.
I am glad for this comment because it reminds me of how wonderful all of you mothers in open adoptions are. The ways that you put aside your own uncomfortable feelings and make decisions on behalf of the best interests of your child. I just want to reach out and hug all of you who are so good to your birth families and in return such a blessing to your children!
"Found your blog and found it interesting. I am a parent of a closed adoption. Your emotional blog is exactly the reason we elected a closed adoption. It is to difficult for the birth mother to maintain her place and most often believes that she is owed special privileges following her decision to give her child up based on reasons that she later regrets. She then begins to project blame, guilt and grieving on the mother who is loving, raising and embracing each moment of life with the gorgeous little girl.
I do not mean to appear disrespect but it appears to me from reading all of your blogs that you have expectations that are unrealistic and very unfair to this little angel. You had roughly 8 months during your pregnancy and 12 hours post birth to parent her but apparently chose not to parent her due no commitment of marriage from your boyfriend, older kids you have already raised and your age.
Why are you so insensitive and uncaring of her mother? Is it because she is the one experiencing what you are not and that increases your emotions of guilt and grieving? I have to admit that the parents are amazing for maintaining an opening communication with you at all as that is a very difficult thing to do. Try putting yourself in their shoes and having a birth mother who made her choice for whatever reason expecting to keep so much involvement. That is not healthy, mentally or physically.
Embrace your life now and be grateful that God has blessed you with this couple. Grieve and process your guilt as it is yours and yours alone to bare, not the parents loving this little angel. Being overly hyper-sensitive of her mother's protective instincts are going to eventually close the doors of opportunity to maintain contact if you are not careful and mindful.
They do not HAVE to maintain contact and I am amazed they have continued to do so this long. Kudos to them for being so patient with your self-centered expectations. You should be grateful and at their mercy... "