Selfish

I am thankful today that I have peace.  It may only be for today, but I have it for now. And as a birthmother, and a parenting mother, most of the time, peace is hard to come by!

I woke early this morning and laid in bed and decided that instead of letting my mind wander, I would pray.  As always I started by praying for Brit's family and that their heart would soften toward opening our adoption more.  But then it hit me.  All I do is ask.  I ask God for this, and plead for that.  But rarely do I stop to be worshipful.  Truthfully, prayer time is all about me.  What I want, what I think I need.

I am pretty sure I do not make the list of God's top ten closest friends.  (Yes, I know he doesn't keep a list like that, but you get the idea.)  In our relationship, it is all about ME.  Now I will add that I pray for others all the time too.  But it is definitely a parent child relationship that God and I have.  I ask for things.  Over and over.  And not always are they selfish things.  I do pray for healing for friends and family.  But I am always asking for something.  And what do I give in return?  Usually it is a quick, "thanks God for still loving me even though I am selfish.  Now back to my requests..."

So I need to start working on that.  I have let my Bible reading go completely by the wayside.  I spend no time trying to know God better.  I give back nothing.  I just take.  Thankfully God is willing to wipe the slate clean.  But surely He is getting pretty tired of this one-sided relationship.

I will make an effort to be better.  To give the glory due to God.  And maybe then this temporary peace will turn into a life filled with God's grace and peace, that comes from truly walking with Him.