I am thankful today that I have peace. It may only be for today, but I have it for now. And as a birthmother, and a parenting mother, most of the time, peace is hard to come by!
I woke early this morning and laid in bed and decided that instead of letting my mind wander, I would pray. As always I started by praying for Brit's family and that their heart would soften toward opening our adoption more. But then it hit me. All I do is ask. I ask God for this, and plead for that. But rarely do I stop to be worshipful. Truthfully, prayer time is all about me. What I want, what I think I need.
I am pretty sure I do not make the list of God's top ten closest friends. (Yes, I know he doesn't keep a list like that, but you get the idea.) In our relationship, it is all about ME. Now I will add that I pray for others all the time too. But it is definitely a parent child relationship that God and I have. I ask for things. Over and over. And not always are they selfish things. I do pray for healing for friends and family. But I am always asking for something. And what do I give in return? Usually it is a quick, "thanks God for still loving me even though I am selfish. Now back to my requests..."
So I need to start working on that. I have let my Bible reading go completely by the wayside. I spend no time trying to know God better. I give back nothing. I just take. Thankfully God is willing to wipe the slate clean. But surely He is getting pretty tired of this one-sided relationship.
I will make an effort to be better. To give the glory due to God. And maybe then this temporary peace will turn into a life filled with God's grace and peace, that comes from truly walking with Him.