Thursday, January 27, 2011

An update

I got pictures of sweet Brit on Tuesday.  Which meant two nights without sleep.  She is 10 months old and I keep waiting.  Do you think they will let me see her on her first birthday in March?  And why can't I be grateful for what I do have?  They send beautiful emails that let me know what Brit has accomplished in the past month.  And I love that.  But I would really like to snuggle her.

I'll write more later, but until then, here are pictures of our sweet Brit at Christmas.  She is now walking, clapping, dancing and saying a few words.  Yes, she is advanced.
This is a cropped picture because it also includes her dad, who has much the same look on his face.  C and I cracked up when we saw it.  They both look very confused by the Farmer Says toy.

Dad is touching Brit's nose with her fairy wand.   Yes, this great big athletic man is destined to a life of tutus and princess parties.  And probably lots of drama.  Thankfully he is a high school girls basketball coach so he knows girl drama all too well.  I think he will be well equipped. 
Where is this girl's hair?....
She just looks so little.  And I guess she always will be.  I often chuckle as I think about how her her dad is 6'5" and very athletic. Her mom is right at 6' tall and gracefully beautiful. And ironically, Brit's birthfather is 5'8" (when he is standing tall) and I am 5'5" (with my hair puffed up).  I am also the most uncoordinated person I know.  Thankfully her birthfather is coordinated and athletic, so maybe that will balance things out.

But here is a little girl who will grow up with a dad who is a high school girls basketball coach, and a mom who is a professional ballerina.  So sorry Brit.  Wish we would have contributed more to your gene pool.  Hopefully just living with your parents will make you grow taller and be athletic. :) 


Rebekah said...

Man is she cute!!! I'm sorry your heart hurts...

birthmothertalks said...

Very cute! I know it's hard and I hope you can see her soon.

Jacinta said...

She really is just adorable.

I'm sorry you don't have the relationship with Brit and her family you would like though. Did you choose her parents or did an agency do it?

I'm curious if you guys discussed contact arrangements and visits before you placed your baby girl with her parents, or if maybe they told you one thing and did another. I hope not. Either way, fingers crossed for a visit soon.

LisaAnne said...

We picked them. We matched ourselves privately.

We did talk about visits before her birth, but we decided to play it by ear since neither of us knew how much visiting would be good for all of us. I did tell them I wanted to see her before the end of summer so we could all get together and have a cookout with our kids.

However, after Brit was born her mom became incredibly protective. She never spoke to me againg except via email responses to emails I would send her. And even that stopped after a couple of months.

After having a complete breakdown one day, I did get the one and only call I have ever had from them since her birth and it was from the dad.

He said mom was dealing with some feelings that she was raising someone else's child and she was super protective of Brit and being able to bond with her so she could feel like she was the mom.

So the birthfather and I are just treading lightly trying not to push a relationship upon them that they are not ready for yet. Actually just the mom, dad is ready and willing for a visit right now.

I think the mom has some serious infertility grief that she is working through. I believe that she greives that her family had to be created through adoption and not birth. Which makes me really sad for her.

Jacinta said...

Oh wow. I'm sorry. I think -for what it's worth- that you have every right to be upset, angry or whatever other feelings come up. It's great that you get updates, but I don't think you owe it to anyone to be ok with only updates.

It's a shame really that Brit's mom didn't get more counseling and therapy before she went down the path of adoption... she owed that to the potential child she was going to adopt and its family of origin. Infertility grief is hard, I'm sure, but yikes... to pass the fall out from that onto her child and her child's family? It's just, well, unethical, I think -- especially given they knew you did want to meet up during the summer. The child she has should not bear the cost of the child she mourns.

It would be nice if she could step back from the situation and at least say ''you know what? I can't deal with this now. Sorry. I thought I could. Husband, you need to manage this relationship while I heal''... and then, perhaps, she wouldn't have to have your presence in Brit's life so in her face, but you'd get to see and love on Brit, and Brit would get to know her family and roots.

That's not ideal, either, I know. Apologies if I've overstepped any boundaries. It's just really hard not to be upset and angry on behalf of Brit and your family.

Jessica said...

I came across your blog on another blog and wanted to let you know...Hang in there!!! My husband and I adopted our oldest daughter 5 1/2 years ago and have an open adoption. Since I am new to your blog, forgive me for asking, but how long has it been since you placed your daughter? I did go through a transition period after we brought our daughter home that was a lot like post-partum depression, so maybe that's what she is going through???? I think a lot of mine had to deal with such a fast transition. We were approved to be shown to birth families and a week later, we were bringing home a newborn. Anyway, we have what I would like to think is a good relationship with our daughter's birth family, but the one thing I wish I could change is that I wish her birth mother would open up more to me about her grief and if there is anything i can do to help. More pictures, more contact, less contact. What does she need?

I hope you are able to see that adorable little girl soon!