A good day

I am amazed by how much peace I have felt about my adoption situation the past couple of weeks.  Nothing has changed at all.  But I think God is just granting me some peace about it right now.  I can think about little Brit without crying.  And I continue to pray for her parents and that their hearts might soften to the idea of allowing us to have a relationship with her.  But I don't cry or become consumed with feelings of hurt and disappointment like I have in the past.

I know it is no coincidence that while my heart is content with my adoption relationship, the rest of my personal life is spinning out of control.  My ex-husband has filed for primary custody of our two little boys because he has decided that he doesn't want to pay child support which I just requested.  He has not paid a penny to me for almost two years and I decided it was time that he helped out a little.  So in response to my request for financial assistance, he has filed for custody.

That means we are making two attorney's very wealthy.  So not only is it financially difficult to be a single parent, I am also hemorrhaging money as the attorney needs another $1,000 every time I turn around.

I know this process will work out fine for me in the end, but until then, it is very stressful.  And my kids definitely feel stuck in the middle. You would think two grown adults could work this out without having to see attorneys and judges.  But I guess not.

So today is my last full day in the office as tomorrow I have to appear before a judge so he can determine what our shared parenting schedule will be for the remainder of the month.  Then Friday I have to see another attorney who is supposed to see if she can get the ex and me to come to a civil agreement without further involving the court.

I am hopeful that this process is over soon and we can all move on.

But until then, we keep trudging through it.  And thankfully the kids and I are all resilient.

Some happy thoughts for the day:

• I love my hot tea.  Good Earth Sweet and Spicy blend.  Unbelievably good.
• My oldest son turns 18 on Sunday and C and I are going to spend some one-on-one time with him to celebrate
• I have free passes to see a screening of the movie The Green Hornet tonight.  I plan to take the two little boys and eat popcorn and drink Diet Coke, even though I am trying to avoid pop as much as possible.
• I have great, supportive co-workers.
• I have an awesome best friend who is there for me, no matter what.
• Zoloft is an inexpensive anti-depressant that seems to work really well for me when taken in large doses. (Yes, I am better when I take medicine.  It is not weakness, just something to help me through this valley.)
• I live with a friend who has been very kind and understanding with my financial situation.
• C and I are in a great place in our relationship. (Which I also think helps me with my adoption feelings.)
• I am healthy and employed.  Which is better than many of my friends.
• God has provided for me.  And even though I am stubborn and disobedient, He still gives me second chances and pours His grace out upon me.

So there you have it.  Things aren't really that bad.  And I have much to be thankful for.