Funny how life doesn't stop when you are trying to grieve.
I still have to go to work. I still have to parent the boys. I even had to attend a football game (with tears streaming down my face of course - which thankfully made people avoid me like the plague). So the urge to curl up in a ball and lay in my bed crying was not even an option. Honestly, it almost made me mad. I wanted to cry and the world was not working with me on this!
I will say that I have managed to pull it together. I actually made dinner last night for the family, and this morning I woke up and was even able to smile at my kiddos. In an email BF sent me yesterday he said some pretty amazing things to me (I will talk about this some other day, but suffice it to say my best friend pointed out that he pretty much responded to me like a rock star regarding the adoption stuff of late.) At the end he closed with, "I know these are some pretty crappy days, but for what it's worth, you sure looked nice today when you left for work." Ah, the beauty of makeup, a hair straightener and dress up clothes.
And just because it is ridiculous, I would like to share a link of the stupid thing that probably turned the tide for me yesterday. Of course, I had not laughed or chuckled for two days. But yesterday afternoon, I logged on to FB and I saw a friend had posted a link to a blog and it caught my eye. Only click this link if you are in a place where you can laugh out loud like a fool. Because that is exactly what happened to me at my desk yesterday. I nearly cried just from laughter. Ha Has for Hoo Has
Needless to say, this is a new blog I will be following, because twisted humor is just what the doctor ordered.
Now I am off to take a sick boy to the doctor. A nasty sore throat. The same sore throat he has had for days, which I just told him was his allergies. When I actually broke down and looked at his throat this morning, I realized he has sores in it. Mother of the Year Award, here I come!!!
UPDATE:
Just returned from the doctor. The boy has strep. So I did my motherly duty by driving him through So.nic and getting him a breakfast burrito and a soda. Went to the pharmacy and got his antibiotics. Then I proceeded to tell him to take the first dose in front of me because I was dropping him off at home and going back to work. (He is 13, so this is not TECHNICALLY neglect. lol) And for those who might judge, he has no fever, is in perfect spirits, and is looking forward to spending some alone time with his Playstation 3 without his brothers around. Really he will be OK. And if I am ever going to win that coveted Mother of the Year Award, then I have to do something horrible like leaving him home alone sick. So just consider it further competition for my well deserved award!
5 comments:
I'm so sorry for your grief. I've had a horrible week of my own. We received an absolutely nasty letter from my granddaughter's adoptive father, also my husbands brother. We were proclaimed to be really no better than the dirt beneath his feet and had never been, and never would be, grandparents to "his daughter". I'm telling you this so you know you are not alone in grieving over a loss to adoption. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Unfortunately it is a sad club that many of us belong to. Adoption grief is so prevalent. It breaks my heart to know that I am actually one of the lucky ones, because at least I get updates. Some of my fellow birthmother friends don't even get that. Adoption is filled with many many losses.
you are not a terrible mom at all. These things happen. Hope he gets better soon!
On the flip side, it must be crap week in the adoption world all over. I have had one letter from a bgma asking us to leave her daughter alone as having regular contact is not helping the healing and could we just cut contact and a threatening text from a bfather. One that may need mediation over.
Sometimes I just want to sigh and give up
Dear friend, I have been out of the bloggin loop for a few days because of work craziness, and to say that my heart is broken over reading your last few updates would be understatement!!!! :( I am so, so, so sorry!! :( I just don't understand why, I just don't get it. I will continue to pray, no matter what, you have my prayers, because God has all of this, and their hearts can be softened. I pray they see the harm that this will cause Brit, long term. I pray their hearts change...it just HAS to happen!
Continued prayers...
A hiccup in parenting like thinking something is this when it is that is not going to take away your Mom Crown! I know been there done that .... I am glad to hear you found humor in the days that followed the response to your letter ... I would like to post my feelings about your situation on my blog as a way to share the lack of understanding why an ongoing relationship with family is so important to all children and families. Will that be okay with you?
Thinking of you and sending HUGS!
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