Today was another morning of waking very early unable to go back to sleep.
I walked outside in the dark for a while, then decided I needed to just go back home.
So I laid back down in bed and the tears just fell. I spent an hour curled up in a fetal position just crying silently.
BF rolled over and held me. Not a word was spoken.
My chest physically hurts from the pain of missing a child who is still living, but in a world that I have no access to.
This grief and regret will never go away, and I don't want it to. Because I have nothing to replace the grief and loss with. A child is missing.