Tuesday, September 4, 2012

An absolute MUST READ for every adoptive parent and mother considering placing a child

If I had not checked this amazing book out from the library, I would have filled it with highlighting.  From the beginning to the end.

This life changing book should have been a required reading for all of us prior to placement.  Not just casual reading (which it is not), but the kind of reading and studying that changes you.  The kind of reading that you should have a post-test about, just to make sure you got it all.

I will be purchasing two of these books today so I can re-read it and highlight all the words. Hopefully I will purchase and give away even more in the course of my life.

This book challenged me to be a more hospitable person.  Not just a nice person, but a person who lives a life of gracious hospitality.

It made me reevaluate why I do nice things for others.

It challenged me.

It made me bawl like a baby.  I had to put the book down a couple of times because I was exhausted.  I even had to skip through a chapter because the emotional toll it took on me was too painful.

This book broke my heart, because it spells out how to have the kind of adoption relationship I thought I would have.

If you are a prospective adoptive parent who reads my blog, BUY THIS BOOK.  If you are an adoptive parent who has never read this book, READ IT.

And for all of my birth mother friends, read this book so you might also evaluate the role we play in hospitality.

Adoptees, this book also speaks to you and the role that you are required to assume as a person who lives in adoption relationships.

Adoption field workers, you should not only read this book, but make it mandatory practice.  No question about it.

OK, I have said my piece.  Now I am going to go find another James Gritter book and start reading it too.  Because I am pretty sure this man is my new adoption relationship hero.  I would have never thought I would say that about an adoption facilitator, but this guy GETS IT.


Km said...

Getting it!!!! Sounds like an exceptional read. Thank you!!!

Debbie said...

We had to read two of his books prior to adopting. It's what helped us understand and LOVE open adoption.

I will be getting this one as soon as I can.

MommySquared said...

He is an exceptional man both for how he promotes healthy relationships in adoption and he as a person. I have had the wonderful opportunity to meet and hear him speak as a keynote at a conference last year ... changed my life. BTW he is on facebook (check my friend list) maybe you can send him a note :)


Anonymous said...

Would you mind clarifying your sentence: "Adoptees, this book also speaks to you and the role that you are required to assume as a person who lives in adoption relationships." As an adoptee, I don't feel I am required to assume any 'role.' Thank you!

LisaAnne said...

My statement to the role that adoptees have is one I think is forced upon you as a person who was adopted into a different family. I believe that it is completely up to you whether or not you choose to have an active role, which is one thing that you do finally have a choice about. From my perspective, I feel like adoptees are forced to deal with all kinds of things that they had absolutely no control or input into since they were adopted.

It was not meant to be an assumption that there would be action on. But I know that there are many adoptees who find that they are in a precarious position trying to placate both birth family and adoptive family once they reach an age where they are responsible for managing their own relationships. That is addressed in this book.

No offense was meant, only encouragement.

Anonymous said...

No offense taken - thank you for your clarification - makes perfect sense to me now!! (And all of your insightful posts!) =)

maryanne said...

Nice to hear that Jim Gritter and his books are still around. He ran a wonderful open adoption conference in Traverse City, MI in the 80s and 90s that was years ahead of its time, and he actually listened to and respected birth mothers like myself who had suffered under the closed adoption system of secrets and lies.

Sad that so many adoptions that were supposed to be open and like what Jim Gritter describes turned cold and closed, but for some, it really did work and make a hard thing better, more ethical, and more child-centered.

Anonymous said...

This is an excellent post about NOT FORCING THE ADOPTEE TO CHOOSE between families.

Waiting for an adoptee to ASK to see their natural family may never happen, as they really do sense underlying feelings of their APs.


Anonymous said...

Can't get any more truthful than this.

Anonymous said...

Forgot the link....

Anonymous said...

Gritter has done lots of good, but my beef with him is that, for years, he felt open adoption should not be legally enforceable. He believed that to do so would undermine the "spirit" of it. In this way, his stance unwittingly hurt more than helped.