I have not been blogging for two reasons. Number one, I have been crazy busy with work. Thirteen hour days for a week. Ridiculous busy. Number two reason, I feel like I have nothing to offer on the adoption front. I just can't think of any blog post that would be worth of the time it takes to write it.
If I was going to write about anything I think it would be the guilt I have been trying to suppress as it relates to caring for our Little Princess. She is the little girl that I (we) keep every weekend while her mom works. She is a little girl who was originally going to be adopted, but instead is being parented by her mother. Her parents have a completely dysfunctional relationship (abuse, manipulation, etc) and her mother (who is a WONDERFUL woman and mother) felt like adoption would be the best choice for her child. Turns out she just couldn't proceed with her adoption plan as her pregnancy progressed into the final months and she ended up choosing to parent instead. She is now trying to parent two teenage boys and this little girl, from a position of poverty and survival in an abusive relationship. Not ideal.
But this is not about her struggle but instead mine (could that sound any more selfish?...).
Anyway, caring for Little Princess is such a blessing to me. Every day that we have her, I realize what great older brothers my sons are. They are so amazing with her. I also watch what a wonderful father figure BF is to her. He plays with her, kisses her chubby cheeks, and plays peek-a-boo over and over again. Little Princess snuggles with me and wants me to hold her. She trusts me and nearly comes out of her skin excited when she sees me come to pick her up. It warms my heart every single weekend.
I placed Brit because I wanted her to have a mommy and daddy who were married and who were ready to be parents. I thought we were too old, had too many obligations already, and I thought Brit would suffer because of this.
And now look at us.
I load Little Princess up every weekend and we head to ball games, sometimes out of town. I take her with me to the grocery store. I rock her when she is sick. The boys play with her all the time. They miss her and ask when she will be back. She celebrates all of the holidays with us. Our extended family assumes that if it is a weekend, Little Princess will be part of our family celebration.
It appears a baby/toddler/little person would have fit into our life after all.
And let's not forget the irony of the fact that when I ran into Brit last weekend at the Farmer's Market, I was walking hand in hand with my Little Princess. She and Brit stared eye to eye with each other. It was a surreal moment. The little girl who I help parent looking straight into the eyes of the little girl who I should be parenting.
I know God put Little Princess in my life for a reason. Or maybe God put me in her momma's life for a reason. Probably a whole lot of both.
So I think I will kiss Little Princess's cheeks a little more this weekend and maybe one of the sweet kisses will be felt by the little girl I wish I could snuggle and kiss too.