Today I realized that the only person who can fully understand my grief and pain is BF. And today when I needed him the most, he was there. He understood and without me even asking, he functioned for me.
I know that he is broken by this adoption relationship too. But he is a boy. And he does not express it all the time like I do. Yet, today when I called him after we received our monthly email, I realized that he is truly amazing. He made me feel so much better. Not because he tried to tell me it was all ok, but instead because he told me it is not ok.
Together we talked about how this relationship is broken in spite of our fervent efforts. We are not being treated thoughtfully.
He made no excuses for them. He did not try to justify it. He simply said out loud what my heart thought. And while it doesn't fix anything, it is so nice to know he feels the same way.
There is something comforting about having someone understand completely. BF is the only person who could love Brit the same way I do. He is also the only other person who can feel the depth of loss that I do. His interest in this relationship is just as vested as mine.
While my heart is hurt by all we have been through and are living through now, I absolutely love this man who understands.
5 comments:
I have been thinking about you all day. I wish there was something I could do to help this situation. All I can do is pray.
Thank you Janine. Praying is all that we can do.
And I keep reminding myself (even when my human heart can't quite grasp it) that God is in control here. And this is His to manage. Not mine.
We have done our part. We are available and willing. Now God will have to work on their hearts and it is not mine to change.
I just grieve for the relationship that this sweet girl is being denied.
Prayed for you so much yesterday! ((hugs))!
And one day Brit will learn how available and willing you have both been and she will appreciate it.
So glad you have each other to walk through this.
It is so good that they help us, and even though they are grieving differently than we do, they are still grieving. I'm so glad that you have him, I don't know where I would be without H2 right now, but I know it wouldn't be in a good place. (((HUGS)))
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