Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Tomorrow is the 25th and we all know what that means...

I have been asked from time to time if getting regular updates causes me more pain than not hearing or seeing would.

The answer is an unequivocal NO!

I live for the 25th of every month.

Just the idea that I will see what she looks like now and hear how she has changed makes me nearly crazy with anticipation the entire week before an update.

The weeks of not knowing are what hurt my heart the most.  The deafening silence is what is painful.

Then we get a picture like this and I melt for a while.

So right now I am thinking about where I might be tomorrow when the email comes in.  Will it be during the day?  Will it be from her mom or dad?  What kind of pictures will they include?  Did she like the Christmas presents we sent?  How big is she now?  What does she say?  What does she play with?

The questions swirl in my head.  I am so glad that within 24 hours I will know the answers to at least some of them.  It's like getting a peek into her little world.

And I will read that email at least 50 times over the course of the next 30 days.  Because that is my only connection to her right now.


20 comments:

Anonymous said...

I do not understand why you and your boyfriend did not want to raise your child? I am trying to understand, and I have posted before, but I am dumfounded? If you wanted to have a relationship with the child, then why didn't you raise her? I am sure the child will put two and two together and do the math and see you both did not want to raise her, but only wanted her in your lives when it was convenient. I am not too sure your bchild will understand either, regardless if you were a steady presence in her life, the truth is evidence-you did not want to raise her

Anonymous said...

The anonymous above obviously doesn't know your heart or your story and has never been in your shoes.
My heart hurts for you and your desire to have contact with your birth daughter and how the adoptive parents chose to lock you out besides email and pictures.
The picture is adorable!!! A day will come when she will know your heart.

m&msmommy said...

She is absolutely beautiful! Although I pray that you would have more, I'm SO glad that at the very least you have the 25th! :)

The first anon comment clearly doesn't understand you, your heart,etc. I understand that he/she says they've posted before, but clearly aren't reading your words and seeing your heart. I apologize on their behalf for being judgemental!

Anonymous said...

The fact remains-Lisa placed her child for adoption which means she did not want the full responsibility of raising another child (despite the fact she is a mother already) Adoption is not babysitting or free daycare-it is giving the responsibility of the child to another set of parents because the bparents are unable to or do not want to raise the child. I feel for Lisa but Lisa and her boyfriend did not want to raise the child. That's a lot for a child to "stomach" knowing that your bparents did not want to raise you but could raise the children born before you.

LisaAnne said...

To the first Anonymous,

Please read my blog and previous entries.

I think I have been very clear that we made a decision at the time that we thought was best for our daughter. We wanted her to have all the benefits of being raised by married parents. And we were not married.

Since then, we have realized that we would have been well suited to parent her even if we were not married. Unfortunately at that time we didn't value what we would have been able to provide to her, even as unmarried parents (we also do not live together).

Hindsight is so much clearer.

But just because we chose adoption, does not mean we deserted this child.

On the contrary. We are desperate to have and maintain a relationship with her.

We never want her to feel abandoned because that was never the reason we placed her.

We cannot change our adoption decision, but we can be available for our daughter.

LisaAnne said...

Another comment to first anonymous,

If this was about convenience, would we ever try so hard to reach out to her parents?

I think not.

We would have walked away, knowing she is in good hands and continued with the life that we have.

It is terribly inconvenient having a child you want a relationship with who is being parented by another family.

But it is worth every ounce of effort and inconvenience to know that we are doing everything in our power to have a relationship with this child.

Jill said...

She is beautiful...and so is your heart!

Janine said...

Britt is so cute! Thanks for sharing a picture. Hope tomorrows update arrives early for you

amelia said...

I hope you will enjoy the updates tomorrow. what a beautiful little girl she is :)

Bumber's Bumblings said...

She is sooo beautiful and precious! my B was climbing all over me and wanting to know her name and saying how pretty she was! So glad you continue to receive these updates and PRAYING for more contact, little by little!! ((hugs))!!

Anonymous said...

Lisa:

You wanted the convenience of being "mommy" without the responsibility. Why would you place your own child under the reason of "having married parents". Do you think your bchild will believe that? Between you and the bdad you have five children you are raising but could not raise Brit? I have met many adoptees that were the "only one given away" and they have a hard time understanding. If you can raise one, or five, you can raise one more. Millions of women step to the plate and do the "hard work". It seems you thought "open adoption" would allow you to "get on with your life without the responsibility.” I am sure your bchild will see that too. It seems you are painting yourself as the victim in hopes that when your bchild is older and can see how much you wanted contact. But in reality she may think:” if you wanted contact you would have kept me”.

Just the honest truth.

letterstomsfeverfew said...

Lisa - She is lovely. I am so happy you will get an email tomorrow updating you on how she is doing. ~ M.

MommySquared said...

Lisa, pay no mind to the comments of Anonymous one.

As an adoptive parent in an ongoing in-person relationship with each of my girls birth mothers and their extended families, I see how your heart aches to see, touch and feel your daughter. We cannot imagine our family without the love and relationships we have with each of our girls' birthfamilies and not just for us but for our girls.

You did not abandon her, you gave her what you thought you could not ... no one should judge your decision.

There are others of us who honor your decision and hurt alongside you as you wait to see if any in-person relationship could exist, not for selfish reasons but for the best interest of your child through her eyes to have a relationship with you.

I too can't wait to see/hear the lastest about Brit and hope you will share with us...

Janine said...

been thinking about this since I read it. I just wish you did not have to put up with anon crap. It annoys me when ppl hide behind anon. Lots of hugs Lisa

LisaAnne said...

Thank you for all the words of encouragement.

Like you Janine I was initially aggravated by anonymous. But the more I have thought about it, the more sad it makes me that there are people who truly believe the things anonymous is saying. Thankfully I think there are fewer than there used to be.

I guess we all just have to keep showing society how open adoption can be rewarding for the children involved and in return the families who love that child.

And through this blog I have met some pretty cool women who are living examples of this very fact.

Anonymous said...

Lisa, I have been following your blog for quite sometime, and I love your insight and thoughts. I hope tomorrows update will lift your spirits and be full of pictures. I also wanted to apologize for the insensitive anonymous posters who may or may not realize the hurtful words they have expressed.

To the Insensitive Anonymous posters:

I am an adoptive mom and I KNOW that my child's birthmother WANTED to raise him, but placed him due to the situation and reasons that are not mine to share with you. The fact remains that these women DO LOVE, DO CARE, and DO want to be be a part of their child's life. Adoptive parents cannot replace our children's birth parents who created their life, or the role they played in their life prior to adoption and hopefully still play in the child's life nor should we. Adoptive parent's should never make promises they cannot keep. It breaks my heart that insensitive individuals like yourself attack others. Do you realize just how much your words may hurt?

Heather said...

I mean, her cuteness actually made me giggle. She is so precious (as you already know)!

Please tell me that you get more than 1 photo with each update. I fill a 4x6 photo album with 24 pics each month... and sometimes feel like that's not enough to show who our little guy really IS. I'm sure I won't do that forever and always - it seems like we take less pics of our kids as they grow, in general, because they don't change as quickly and they're so busy and they seem to get irritated when I pull out the camera (smile), but I'm going to darn well try as long as I can.

Anonymous said...

"To the Insensitive Anonymous posters:

I am an adoptive mom and I KNOW that my child's birthmother WANTED to raise him, but placed him due to the situation and reasons that are not mine to share with you. The fact remains that these women DO LOVE, DO CARE, and DO want to be be a part of their child's life. Adoptive parents cannot replace our children's birth parents who created their life, or the role they played in their life prior to adoption and hopefully still play in the child's life nor should we."

Anon:

No one is saying women who "place" their children do not love them, what I am saying is: If you want a "relationship" with your child then do “an excellent job of raising them”. When you (general) place a child for adoption you ARE erasing your parental role; you do not or cannot raise your child and want someone else to do so. Lisa and her bfriend did not want to raise another child again but wanted the "freedom" of being "parents without the hard work". Adoption, be it open adoption, is not like that. The aparents send monthly updates, but what more do you want them to do? If Lisa wanted a relationship with her child, she would have raised her. Again, I am sure her bchild will think the same; even if Lisa had a role in her life, the truth remains she did not want to raise her child.

LisaAnne said...

Anonymous,

Your ignorance is astounding.

Do not use quotes when referencing MY reason for choosing adoption unless you are actually quoting me. And if you read my blog you should know how grossly wrong you are.

And do all of the rest of us who are compassionate people a favor and just drop this conversation.

You are wrong. On so many levels. And your insistence on commenting is becoming embarrassing for you.

Go find another blog where your hatred is appreciated.

I for one am done trying to educate you. Your heart is hard and your thinking misguided.

You are done having a forum here.

Kim said...

Oh, LisaAnne - Thank you for sharing your heart and your story with us. PLEASE turn off anonymous posting on your comments. If someone can't own their stuff then they have no business saying it. Would they say those things to your face? I seriously doubt it and that means they just need to keep quiet. It is coming from a place of complete ignorance.

Praying for more openness in your adoption. Praying that her a-parents realize that you would be such a blessing to her.