Today I realized that the only person who can fully understand my grief and pain is BF. And today when I needed him the most, he was there. He understood and without me even asking, he functioned for me.
I know that he is broken by this adoption relationship too. But he is a boy. And he does not express it all the time like I do. Yet, today when I called him after we received our monthly email, I realized that he is truly amazing. He made me feel so much better. Not because he tried to tell me it was all ok, but instead because he told me it is not ok.
Together we talked about how this relationship is broken in spite of our fervent efforts. We are not being treated thoughtfully.
He made no excuses for them. He did not try to justify it. He simply said out loud what my heart thought. And while it doesn't fix anything, it is so nice to know he feels the same way.
There is something comforting about having someone understand completely. BF is the only person who could love Brit the same way I do. He is also the only other person who can feel the depth of loss that I do. His interest in this relationship is just as vested as mine.
While my heart is hurt by all we have been through and are living through now, I absolutely love this man who understands.