Then as my ex and I divorced, she just became my 'life' counselor. She is also a Christian, which is very helpful to me because that is a big part of who I am and what I believe.
The last few sessions with her have been comprised of me bawling and her telling me that someday this will not hurt so badly, and until then, I just have to Live Through Today. (hence the blog name)
But this session took a different turn. I still cried (given), but she had some significant insight for me.
Paraphrased here was what she said to me when I told her how I obsess about my lack of relationship with Brit and the grief and regret I battle each day.
"I was there when you struggled with your adoption decision. It was not made in haste. You considered the pros and cons and you made the very best decision you could with the information you had.WOW. Talk about a reality check.
I watched you develop a relationship with Brit's parents. You did everything you could to make this a good and healthy relationship for all of you. You made a good decision.
While this isn't a therapeutic thing to say, have you ever thought that maybe this is God's plan?
How do you know that the relationship you have with them now isn't exactly what it needs to be at this moment? It might not be what you think it should be, but how do you know it's not best for Brit, or her parents, or even you?
Maybe this is exactly how things need to be right now. Because how things are today is not necessarily how things will be forever.
If you had a close relationship with Brit's parents, would you have been strong enough to recognize that BF was not right for you? Or would you have felt that you had to stay together because you would never want to jeopardize your relationship with Brit and her family?
We just never know. Think about all of the mysterious ways that God worked throughout the Bible. Who would put a baby in a basket, float it down the river, and later be chosen to be the nursemaid to that child? Only God could orchestrate that.
Sometimes we just have to trust that even though it doesn't make sense right now, this could be part of a much bigger plan. What is happening now is preparing someone, maybe it's Brit, maybe it's you, but this is a piece of a bigger plan that we cannot know."
She's right. I would have never ended things with BF if he and I were an active part of Brit's life. I would have never jeopardized a fragile relationship with them. I would not have wanted them to sense any turmoil from our side of the relationship.
Maybe this last year without me involved in Brit's life will be important to her relationship with her parents as they now have two more children on the way (giving them 3 babies ages 1 or younger - yikes). Maybe God knew they needed that time alone with her to create a special bond that will carry them through this tough next couple of years when they have lots of stress and little sleep.
I don't know. My little brain can only speculate.
But it has given me new perspective and a bit of comfort. And I sure could use a little comfort these days.
So in addition to thanking God for the clear direction about my relationship with BF, I am going to also add that He would have His hand in this adoption relationship and that my feelings don't get in the way of His plan.
As we ended my counseling session, Rosie said,
"Remember Lisa, feelings are not facts."
Hmm. I'll have to remember that one. Because feelings sure do seem like fact sometimes.