Tuesday, January 8, 2013

How I try to make a small difference

My it's been a long time since I have posted here!  My excuse is the holidays.  Truth is we are just so very busy and I have been present in the moment with our boys and at work.  Thus, the blog took a backseat.

I think so often "I should blog about that", but the moment passes and I don't sit down and get it done.  And since blogging is just for me, I don't feel obligated like I do with being available to the children I am parenting and the job I work at.

However, yesterday I told myself that I would find 10 minutes today to talk about something that makes me very happy.  It is the small way that I feel like I make a difference in the life of a child, specifically a child that has been able to stay with her family rather than be adopted.

First of all, the potential adoptive parents of this particular little girl are wonderful people.  I met them.  I liked them.  I am even FB friends with the mother.  They seem to be genuinely good parents.  I enjoyed their company.  If we lived closer I believe we would be friends.

But the little girl that they were going to adopt was never placed for adoption.  Her mother decided that she just couldn't do it.  Sadly I think that she saw my long-suffering as a birth mother and she knew that she didn't want the same fate.  I also think that her mother's heart kicked in and she knew that while it would be hard, she could parent this child, just as she had the two teenage boys she was raising.

Yes, I'm talking about my Little Princess.  Little Princess (LP for short) is the little girl who I have cared for every weekend since she was 4 months old.  Her mother works on weekends as the sole provider for herself and her 3 children.  So any hours she can get, she takes.  Including weekend shifts.

The truth is, had LP been adopted by the lovely adoptive couple, she would never have a want.  She would not need daycare, or weekend care.  She would be raised by a very successful work from home mother and successful father.  All of her needs and wants would have been met.

But LP doesn't know that.  The truth is LP is happy.  She has a mommy, two brothers, a daddy (who is crummy, but she doesn't know that yet), and she also has her Lisa and all of Lisa's boys.

If LP was my child, she would have more clothes.  She would have plenty of toys.  We would never wonder if we were going to run out of diapers before payday.  But that does not mean that I should be her mother.

Just because I have more and can give more, doesn't mean I deserve to be her mother.

What it does mean to me is, because I have more and can give more, I should.  So when I buy diapers, I buy a big box and give half to her momma.  When we go shopping, sometimes I buy her clothes that I send home with her.  And when the day comes that she wants to stay overnight at Lisa's house, I will keep her as often as I can.  Because I do have the time to give.  What is one more in my crazy world of boys?!?  And the blessing I get, one more little one to love and to be loved by.

But I am not her mommy.  I am also not their provider.  I am LP and her momma's SUPPORTER.  I love them both.

Because when I say that I believe that families should be preserved if at all possible, then I should do what I can to make sure that happens.

LP is the starfish I was able to save.

Her life will not be perfect.  I won't be able to protect her from some of the realities of low income.  But you know what she will have, HER MOMMY and HER FAMILY.

She will be able to look at her momma's hair and know that is why she has unruly curls.  She will know her two full brothers.  When she is only 5 feet tall, she will know that is because mommy and grandma are the same size. She is with 'her people' as my sweet grandma used to call her family.

And when her momma is at work, she will have her Lisa.  To hold her, love her, snuggle her, fix her hair, and feed her meals.  She will grow up with our boys, who swoon over her.  She will get kisses on her fat little cheeks from me.  She will get time-outs from me too.

LP will know that I love her to the moon and back.  But she will also know that she has a mommy who loves her endlessly too.

Little Princess has everything she needs.  She has her family.


J said...

I hope one day, perhaps, you or somebody like you will start some kind of organization to connect those who can help with those who need help. I would love to do for somebody's family what you do for LP and hers -- I have two kids and could easily look after a third. But finding a family in true need can be difficult (not that there aren't a lot of families, there are! It's just tough to find them if you don't know the right people. I would be great of there was an organization to put people in contact.

Thanks for helping this family Lisa! You are a rare gem.

birthmothertalks said...

Lovely post! Your doing a great thing for this family and I hope that's a little healing on your part. You know your taking your experience and saving someone else form the same heart break.

Anonymous said...

How wonderful! I would love to do this too. I was adopted and I know the pain of losing my family. I'm so happy that this little girl will not have to live with that kind of sorrow!

M said...

So beautiful.

And I second the comment above -- I would love to support/ work with an organization that helped set up these kind of relationships.

Ree Battis said...

This is love in action; thank you for sharing, Lisa <3