Friday, January 18, 2013

Dear Brit

Dearest Brit,

Usually when I sit down to write you a letter, I have something in particular in mind.  Today I do not have anything to share.  Honestly, I am writing because you have been on my mind without ceasing for weeks now.  My heart aches with love for you that I am unable to share with you in person.

I know the holidays have alot to do with that, because that is when we want to be with our extended family.  And obviously we have no interaction with you at all at this point.  Needless to say, we miss you.  We wish so desperately that we could have a visit with you during that time just so we could let you know how much we love you too.  The kind of visit that families have during the holidays.  We continue to hope and pray that someday soon that will happen.

We did send you your Christmas gifts and we hope that you got to enjoy them.  I loved picking out your outfit.  BF, J (your oldest brother) and I all went to a special store called Sparkle and spent all kinds of time looking for the perfect thing to get you.  It was funny to watch the big boys looking at tutus, sparkle shirts, tights and shoes.  For what it's worth, BF found the adorable little shoes for you and they might be my favorite part of the outfit.  He was pretty proud that he found shoes to match the crazy shirt we got you.  I hope you love them as much as we did.  They might be a little big right now, but I'm sure they are still fun for dress up.  We would sure love to see a picture of you wearing the outfit someday.

We all three laughed out loud as I picked out the bow to include with the outfit because we have never seen you with any kind of fancy hair bow, and your hair is crazy and out of control.  I had never seen a white blonde afro until we saw yours.  Your hair cracks us up every time we see a picture of it

I was also so very proud of BF again this year because he picked out your LeapPad and accessories to go with it.  He was so excited the day he brought it home because he had found online that you could download games from your favorite TV show O.omiZo.omi.  I hope your parents were able to download that for you and I also hope you like using your fancy little electronic pad.  If you ever come to visit, make sure you bring it with you because that is exactly what your brothers do all day long.  They all walk around with their i.Pads, often wearing their own headsets, playing games, or listening to music.  Now that their teachers use the for school work, they even use them at night to do their homework.  We are a fully electronic household now!  You would fit in perfectly with your own little device. :)

The little wooden doll set that we sent to you was an impulse buy that we just loved because the character that you dress up has the same name as your middle name.  When I walked by the set in the store I immediately stopped and had to get it for you.  I hope you like dressing her up.  It sure looked like fun.

We have had lots and lots of talk about you around our house the last couple of weeks.  It makes me so happy when we say your name and talk about how we hope our future includes knowing you better.  BF and I have talked ALOT about that lately.  The boys chime in from time to time and will often ask if we have heard anything from your parents.  They too still have hope that maybe soon we might get a little more access to you and your family.  We keep praying.

So as I wrap up today, I thought I would share a few photos with you so you can know what your brothers look like right now.  LanMan and B are both 13 right now and they are as silly as can be.  I love how they are best of friends.  They crack us up every single day.  They are so much fun, and so very funny, especially when they are together.  This is a picture of the the outfits that the two of them wore to our family Christmas celebration.  They wanted to make a holiday statement.  I think they did.  Everyone got a good laugh out of it.

 D won't let me take his picture anymore.  So usually I have to sneak up on him and rarely does the picture turn out.  But this one I was able to snap of him after a basketball game last weekend.  We were at the bowling alley having a huge family gathering because my sister who lives in California was in town for a few days.

Your brother T will always let me take his picture.  This is a piggy bank that he got for Christmas.  He really likes the Kansas City Chiefs which is unfortunate since they can't seem to win games.  Maybe by the time you are older they will be a better team.  We can only hope!

This is a picture of me and 3 of my 4 sisters and our dad.  One of the girls had to work.  The girl with the red hair is the sister from California.  She's the only one who doesn't live here locally with us.  She is an  actress and singer in California.  Just this week she found out they are using a song she recently recorded in a new Disney movie coming out soon.  It has Selena Gomez in it.  We will have to watch for it to come out.  You'll love meeting her someday.  She's so interesting.

My dad also got all of us girls fun hats for Christmas.  This picture has the sister who was missing from the first photo in it (far left), but my sister from California wasn't in town yet when we opened the hats so she is missing from this photo.  One of these days all 5 of us will be together for a group picture!  The baby I am holding is my youngest sister's (the girl sitting next to me) newborn daughter.  We are crazy in love with her and all fight to hold her.

And finally a photo of me and BF.  Sometimes I think he may not ever fully smile.  Bless his heart, he just always looks like smiling is hard for him.  I will tell you that he really is a happy guy, so I'm not quite sure why his smile looks so forced.  I love him anyway. <3

So we hope you know how very much we love you and we are looking forward to the day that we can shower you with that love and include you in some of our special family gatherings.  You are never far from our minds and you are always in our hearts.

We love you so much and can't wait for our relationship to develop with you.

Much love to you,

Lisa and BF


Amy said...

Beautiful letter and pictures! My (birth) daughter is about to be 28 years old now but I still obsess about gifts to send to her! I put so much time and thought into everything we sent/send, and I can see you guys do that too! One day little Brit will know and see how much you love her and how often you thought about her while not being able to see her.

My hopes and prayers that her adoptive parents will open their hearts and lives and LET YOU IN! Keep the faith!

Anonymous said...

Brit will love reading these letters someday. You have such a beautiful extended family. I bet it breaks their heart about your situation. You may have touched on this in your blog but I must have missed it but I was curious if your family discouraged you at all from putting Brit up for adoption.

LisaAnne said...

Yes, my family did tell me that they thought I should keep her. Although they supported my adoption decision for the reasons we had chosen them. Honestly I have a simply amazing family and they would have supported any decision I would have made. Truly we felt we were doing what was best for Brit when we made our decision. We were truly ignorant to the long term ramification of our decision. Obviously hindsight is so much clearer.

At this point I try not to focus so much on the flawed decision making and more on how we can make this tragic situation better for the little girl in the middle of it all.

I want so desperately for our families to be able to come together for the benefit of this sweet girl. I want to feel like Brit's parents are our extended family in the same way that our extended family is part of our lives.

theyalllived said...

Your letters are amazing Lisa. Treasures for Britt when she's able to read them :)

Venessa said...

Simply beautiful Lisa. She will know how much she is loved even if you cant express that to her in person right now. Thinking of you!

gingerhayes said...

Lisa, I am a mother by adoption who is very moved by your posts. I am sorry you are suffering, which is why I feel compelled to urge you to to consider making your blog private. I can tell you from experience that the extended family of people who adopt, as well as their friends, are often more afraid of birthmothers than adoptive parents are. I have read enough comments to your posts to know that there is at least one person close to your daughter's adoptive family who follows your blog. I fear that this friend and others will encourage your daughter's parents to close the adoption completely and perhaps even to move far away from . because they feel threatened by your love your daughterI really wish you the best and will continue to read your posts, but I would remiss if I didn't tell you that I think you are jeopardizing the contact you now have with your daughter -- as little as it may be -- by posting your candid feelings about how much you miss her. Please consider making your blog private.

Deanna Shrodes said...

Lisa, just wanted you to know I am praying for you.

Believing for a miracle.

You are loved ~

Deanna Shrodes said...


Wrote about you and Brit on my blog today. Hope you will stop by. Always praying for you.

With love,

Janine said...

Love this letter and what amazing thoughtful pressies. I hope they were well received! My kids love playing on the leappad!