Tuesday, March 27, 2012


From many of the comments I have received and from reading other blogs I follow, I know that many of my birth mother friends know the emotional turmoil that comes post visit.

I am living that internal turmoil right now.

Vacillating between happiness from the memories of the visit, to the reality of knowing that we will not see sweet Brit again for a an undetermined amount of time.  The magnitude of that causes me to not be able to breathe for some moments.

I had a counseling appointment last week, which is always good.  It is a time where I can be brutally honest about my feelings without having to 'be nice'.  That is cathartic.

But the best coping mechanism has been being very busy with the boys and their activities.  That helps decrease thinking time.

Look carefully.  There is one little pigtail peeking out!
Brit's mom did finally send an email note about a week after our visit.  She thanked us for the gifts and attached two adorable pictures of Brit.

There was no mention of the visit, of Brit's birthday, or of anything of any substance.  No acknowledgement of anything I said in my email.  Which I suppose is completely normal.


It's too bad that the minimum is what's now considered normal.

I want more than just normal.


Jenn said...

I met my first/birth mother yesterday for the first time. I have no clue when I'm going to see her again (I want a relationship with her, she does not). I keep remembering all the good stuff, and then wondering if I'll ever see her again (which is a possibility). I so get this today. Sending you virtual hugs!

Susie said...

I wish you had more than "normal" also. Much, much, much more...

Anonymous said...

I wish I knew what 'normal' means ....

I don't know what a normal open adoption is .....

I wish I knew too Lisa.

Cyber HUG