I am now 5 days post visit and today for the first time I feel like I am a functioning part of society. I have not cried yet today. (There is still time.)
First of all, the visit was perfect. Brit was amazing. Her parents were kind and seemed at ease. They encouraged Brit to interact with us, and they stayed out of the way so we could have as much interaction with her as possible. That was so nice.
When I think about the visit, it truly was a great time.
Here is what clouds what should be post-visit euphoria. I have no idea when we will be granted another opportunity like it. The couple of hours we were given with Brit may be the only we get for a year (if they continue to make this a 'birthday visit' like it appears their historical visit offerings have been).
It is so hard to understand. The time we spend together was great. Casual, nice and comfortable.
If you were to have been a fly on the wall you would have thought we are all good friends just hanging out for the day.
On Monday, BF and I sent an email thanking them for the visit and attached some of the pictures. And the response to the email... silence.
Not a single word.
I just don't understand.
We are left to guess. As a family we talk about how nice the visit was. The kids agreed. And followed it up with "too bad we don't get to see her more than just once".
We live in a world of mystery on our end. We have asked to discuss our adoption relationship with them, with the same response. Nothing.
I cannot press the issue. I have to be the respectful and grateful birth mother. I am to appreciate what we are given. Not push for more.
"Don't rock the boat so that they pull back completely."
We all love the same child.
However, one family holds all the power of allowing another family access to a relationship with this child. And they can yield this power however they see fit. No explanations required. No common courtesy necessary.
The 'others' just get what they get.
I wish I wasn't one of the 'others'.