I follow her through blog land and FB and we have since become virtual friends too.
But all weekend I found my mind wandering back to her interview with her child's first mom Ashley. The way they talk about each other. The respect for one another. And the shared love of one little boy who has brought two families together.
There is one line in their interview that just got my heart with a direct hit, it is Amber (adoptive mom) speaking to Ashley (birthmom);
"I worry that we try to spend too much time with you. I also worry that we ask you to babysit too much, and maybe that is offensive to you."WOAH!!!!
Could you imagine that? An adoptive mom who wants to spend time with her child's birth mother? An adoptive mom who wants her child's birth mother to be the child's caregiver in their absence. An adoptive mom who feels like she tries too hard to be inclusive. The concept nearly brings me to tears right now.
This line was especially poignant to me because of a conversation I had with BF when he and I found out that our daughter's parents were expecting twins just months after adopting our daughter.
He and I were discussing the impact of this on Brit and our future relationship with her parents. BF, being more optimistic than I am with regard to this topic, said to me.. "Wouldn't it be great if some day that would trust us enough to let us watch all of their kids so they could go out and enjoy a night by themselves? Just think, maybe someday they will WANT us to keep Brit so they can have a little time alone."
Now, if you are a reader of my blog, you know that we are no where near this kind of relationship with them. Actually, that is probably an understatement.
When reading Amber's comments about asking Ashley to babysit B, it made me realize this is a possibility with some open adoption relationships. The idea that they go out together as adults (Ashley and Amber) and they have conversations like friends, makes me want to cry tears of joy. What a blessing to B. There is no threat from him loving both of his mothers, because both of his mothers love each other!
I also love the joy that seems to come to both families in this relationship. Not just the moms, but also the extended families.
And it is not just Amber and Ashley who have this type of deep friendship and mutual respect for what each brings to the relationship with the child. I have read several blogs of adoptive moms and first moms who have similar relationships that include the birth family spending alone time with the child, while the parents have some grown up time. A great post to this topic is from Lori titled Returning to the Well.
I think there is great maturity and insight that Lori shares about how her daughter NEEDS time with her birth family. And the time she spends with them is an investment in her well-being.
So for today, that will be my happy thought. There are some amazing adoptive moms out there who not only value the role of their child's birth family, but they also invest in a genuine friendship with the child's other family.
To you amazing mommas, I tip my hat! (and have a whole lot of envy, but that is something I am working on!)
And to my dear sweet Brit, I hope that someday BF and I are in the crowd cheering you on as you dance, sing or play sports. I also hope that someday we can deliver the gifts for you and your siblings, instead of sending them in the mail. We can't wait to be a part of your life!