Thursday, February 2, 2012
Big brother denied
Last night he was talking to a friend I had over from church (someone who does not know us well), and he proceeded to tell her that he has a little sister who he is not allowed to see because her adoptive mom is not nice to us.
Now mind you, this woman from church didn't even know I had a child that I had placed. She was witness to what she thought was a simple conversation about how many brothers and sisters are part of our family. But instead of a simple answer, she was trying to put together all the tidbits of information that D was offering.
I was doing what I could to try to redirect the conversation, but it was obvious that I was trying to hush a child who wanted to tell about his family. I wished I could run across the room and cover his mouth, but I think it is important that he is allowed to speak of his sister as if she is part of our family, because she is. And let's be real here, he was speaking the truth. He has a sister. He is not allowed to know her. He had no choice in the matter. And it's not fair.
I quickly corrected D and said that he has no idea if Brit's mom is nice or not nice, because he doesn't even know her. And I mentioned that Brit probably thinks her mom is very nice and I am sure she loves her very much. I also told him (and the poor visitor who was watching it all go down) that just because we haven't been allowed to have a family visit with Brit, doesn't mean her mom is not nice.
But D wanted to be very clear that he is being denied a relationship with his REAL sister. He continued by saying "I can prove it, if we had a DNA test they would KNOW she is MY sister!"
I am so sorry that I did this to my children. All of them.
I just wish we could fix it. I wish that we were allowed a relationship with this little girl. For the sake of all the children involved.
It seems like it could be such a simple solution that could be beneficial for all involved.
I wish we were all on the same page.