Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Closing that chapter, and turning the page

BF and I had a conversation the other night.  Most of it was about our relationship and where it is and where it is going.

Without airing our laundry, the ultimate result was that we agreed that friendship was where our relationship will stand for the future.

It was freeing for me.  I have hung on to a glimmer of hope for nearly two and a half years.  Hope is gone.  I am free to move on.

While we haven't been a couple for some time now, we do everything together and we are best of friends.  Which complicates the emotions for a girl.  I never really disconnected, because I didn't have to.

But I am ready to move on with my life now.  So I had to be clear.  I wanted to say the words and hear him say them back to me.  No lingering questions.  Relationship defined.

So now I can move on without guilt or the slight thought that maybe some day it will be different.

What brought all of this to a head was that I have a suitor who has been standing at the sidelines. He has been a friend to me, but I could tell he wished he could have a chance to be more than a friend.

There was no way that I was going to even consider embarking on any type of relationship with someone else until I was certain my heart was ready to move on.  Especially not him.  He is ready to be emotionally available to someone.  He has been clear that he hoped it would be me.  It would not have been fair to be guarded with my heart because part of it still belonged to BF.

The conversation with BF and me made me certain that I am ready.  I shed no tears (until we talked about Brit, which will be another post).  I was matter of fact, and although I am a little ashamed to admit it, I was relieved that life long friendship was his answer. 

Because I am ready for more.  Ready for someone who is excited about being with me.  Someone who wants to be more than just a good friend.

So, when the new suitor asked me when we might be able to get together, my answer was how about tomorrow.  His response, I can't wait!  (He is excited to spend time with me, what a novel idea!)

Flowers he sent me last week when I was sick.
We have had our first date, strangely enough we were joined by my 18 year old son.  And all three of us had a blast.

I feel joy in my heart.  And I think I like it.

LisaAnne, happy.
PS - He knows about Brit.  He gets it.  He has a first mother and foster parents.  What a blessing.


Monika said...

I'm SO happy that you have a guy that's excited to be with you and that you now are emotionally free to be excited about too! <3 This post makes me all warm and fuzzy. I'm glad that you were able to have that discussion with BF and that there was relief for you at the end. While I've never experienced personally the kind of emotional involvement you've had with BF, I know people who have and have experienced the emotional processing of a change (or confirmation of things staying the same) in relationship status and know how difficult that can be sometimes. Yay for moving on and being where you're supposed to be! :)

m&msmommy said...

THat is a GREAT picture of you!!! You look SO happy! I wish you all the happiness in the world with this guy. He sounds great (and sends beautiful flowers! ;))

Continuing to pray! :)

birthmothertalks said...

Very happy for you.

Anonymous said...

SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOO happy FOR you! You needed this 'turn of the page'. I'm glad that you are still able to be friends, but the best part, is someone wanting to spend time with you and dote on you - you deserve every single bit of it. (((((HUGS)))))) and lots of love being sent your way!

Josie Kolasa said...

I love that picture of you! You really do look happy! I'm proud of you for having the tough conversation with bf and getting what you needed. You are a strong woman. I am so happy for you!

MommySquared said...

What a wonderful adventure you are about to embark on with your new man! So excited for you that you were able to find for yourself where you really wanted to be and be able to move forward and allow yourself to move into a relationship with someone else!


Janine said...

I am excited for what the future brings for you Lisa!