Without airing our laundry, the ultimate result was that we agreed that friendship was where our relationship will stand for the future.
It was freeing for me. I have hung on to a glimmer of hope for nearly two and a half years. Hope is gone. I am free to move on.
While we haven't been a couple for some time now, we do everything together and we are best of friends. Which complicates the emotions for a girl. I never really disconnected, because I didn't have to.
But I am ready to move on with my life now. So I had to be clear. I wanted to say the words and hear him say them back to me. No lingering questions. Relationship defined.
So now I can move on without guilt or the slight thought that maybe some day it will be different.
What brought all of this to a head was that I have a suitor who has been standing at the sidelines. He has been a friend to me, but I could tell he wished he could have a chance to be more than a friend.
There was no way that I was going to even consider embarking on any type of relationship with someone else until I was certain my heart was ready to move on. Especially not him. He is ready to be emotionally available to someone. He has been clear that he hoped it would be me. It would not have been fair to be guarded with my heart because part of it still belonged to BF.
The conversation with BF and me made me certain that I am ready. I shed no tears (until we talked about Brit, which will be another post). I was matter of fact, and although I am a little ashamed to admit it, I was relieved that life long friendship was his answer.
Because I am ready for more. Ready for someone who is excited about being with me. Someone who wants to be more than just a good friend.
So, when the new suitor asked me when we might be able to get together, my answer was how about tomorrow. His response, I can't wait! (He is excited to spend time with me, what a novel idea!)
|Flowers he sent me last week when I was sick.|
I feel joy in my heart. And I think I like it.