We put together a Halloween care package for Brit this past week. It is also her mom's birthday, so we thought a package with a gift for the mom and Halloween treats for Brit would be fun.
The package has a Halloween treat bucket, iced animal cookies, 2 tutus, a soft crown, a couple of glow wands, a Halloween book, a Halloween movie and a custom made funky dress up cape. Nothing expensive, just fun holiday things that a child could enjoy. We hope she will have a start on a dress up box that she can play with all year round.
BF went to the mall and got some smell good lotions from the popular store that sells those things. He did a great job of picking out a package for Brit's mom. I was terribly proud of him. Usually that is my job. But he wanted to do it this time.
I got the cards.
One for Brit for Halloween. One for the twins first Halloween. One for Brit's mom's bday. One for Brit's dad's bday (we don't know when his bday is, so we are just sending him one with hers so he isn't left out). And a hilarious Halloween card for Brit's parents.
On Sunday, we had all of our boys together. So we had them all sign Brit's Halloween card. My two older boys did a good job, said I love you or Happy Halloween and signed their names. Then Little D got the pen. Immediately he signs "I love you Sissy".
Brit is his sister. He calls her that. He claims her on family trees. He tells the world that he has the family that lives with us plus he has a baby sister who was adopted. (Generally adding that he is mad that mom did that because he wanted to keep her. :gulp:)
But what he did scared me. How would Brit's parents handle that? Would it cause an even greater rift between us?
We claim Brit as one of our own at my house. Her picture is up on the wall with the 3 boys. A stranger walking into my home would assume I have 4 children living there. She is no secret.
But Brit's parents don't know that.
Of course they don't. They have never been over to our home. They have never allowed Brit to meet the boys. (They specifically asked we not include them in that 2 hour birthday visit in March. They thought it would overwhelm her.)
They have no idea how these boys feel about the sister they cannot see.
But D just put it out there.
So what did I do? I panicked.
I looked at D and using my calm, level headed voice I said "I think we might not want to add the word sissy because it could hurt Brit's parent's feelings."
He looked at me. I am pretty sure I could tell you what he was thinking. And even if he wasn't, I was.
He has watched me sob, he has seen me depressed. And he knows it is because I miss having a relationship with Brit and her family.
But when it comes down to it, Brit's parents' feelings take precedence over ours. Every time. Trumped.
He looked at me, looked back down at the card and scratched out Sissy. He turned it into a smiling ghost face. Without a word to me.
I am not proud of what I made him do.
I wish it was different.
But I have to be careful. I have to be sensitive. I cannot do anything to jeopardize the relationship that I hope to have some day.
I do not like the person I have become, but I will do anything to preserve the hope that someday this will be different. Self sacrificing included.