Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day weekend - come and gone

Disclaimer:  Post filled with baby pictures and lame details about my weekend.  If you would rather not endure the pictures and play by play of my life, scroll down to the area of this post labeled BEING A BIRTHMOTHER ON MOTHER'S DAY  for my reflections on birthmother's day and Mother's Day as a birthmom.

I filled my weekend with lots of baby time and bonding time with my three sons.
Friday night I kept nephew B overnight.  He is just simply an angel.  It was perfect.  I was even able to entertain guests that evening.  Baby B really does love me.  I promise he does.  Please disregard the look of horror on his face as I kissed him.

Saturday morning B's parents came to pick him up, and while they were there my little Princess (my friend's daughter) was dropped off for my weekend babysitting duty.  Which I can hardly call duty considering how much joy it gives me.

We got Princess dressed and ready then we were off to my other nephew's birthday party.  While we were there, Princess was held by everyone in the room.  We are all suckers for babies.  Being the oldest of 5 sisters, you can bet that we all love our baby time when someone brings a baby to family functions.

Sister #3 with Princess

My mom with Princess

Sister #2 carrying Princess
The sweetest words spoken that day came from my 12 year old LanMan when he looked at the Princess before we walked out the door and he said "She is just so pretty!  I am so glad we get to keep her."

That afternoon I dropped the boys off at their dad's house and went to BF's house so I could gather up his two boys and take them to a photo session as a surprise for their dad's bday (which is today - Happy Bday C! Enjoy 39!)

Because Princess fell asleep before I was heading out the door, BF said he would be glad to keep her so I had my hands free while I was with his boys.  He is so good with that baby.  BF was definitely designed to be a dad.

The boys and I did the picture thing, got a frozen yogurt and headed back to the house.  By the time I got there Princess had been picked up by her momma, who got off work early.  So being baby-free, we headed off to the movies to celebrate BF's bday by watching Thor in 3D.

Sunday, Princess was dropped off early in the morning again and I got her ready and took her to church with me.  Where they all gush over her too.  Then it was back to BF's house for a Mother's Day lunch with him and his extended family.  They were a little shocked to see me walk in the door with a baby in a carrier.  I think they were very confused.

The boys and I spent the rest of the day at BF's house just hanging out.  We went home around 8:30pm where we settled down for the night and Princess was picked up at 9:30pm.

We were all worn out from a day of fun.  Sleep came easily to all of us. So easily as a matter of fact, I didn't call my OWN mother and wish her Happy Mother's Day after Princess left (like I had planned to).  So I had better make a really apologetic call today.  Thank heavens I have 4 other sisters who probably didn't drop the ball like I did!

I was thankful for the time with Princess and baby B this weekend.  It consumed my attention so I didn't shed any tears of loss and grief for my dear sweet Brit, who was distinctly missing from the weekend festivities.

I have made up my mind that Birthmother's Day is too painful for me right now.  I love that people use it to acknowledge the multitude of birthmothers who have chosen adoption for their children.  But it is too hard for me because I am not acknowledged in any way as being Brit's birthmother.  Neither on Birthmother's Day or Mother's Day.  BF says nothing of it, and Brit's parents do not acknowledge it either.

Last year when that happened, I nearly had a breakdown.  I had just given birth to Brit about 6 weeks before and the wound to my heart was deep and fresh.  Compound the hormonal imbalance of being post-partum, with the fact that NO ONE acknowledged Brit's relationship to me during the Mother's Day weekend, I was a disaster.

So this year I prepared myself in advance.  I had no expectations of acknowledgement.  I knew that thoughts of Brit and how she was spending her mother's day would just be my own personal torture.  Expectations met.  I did send Brit's mom a mother's day card, telling her I am grateful she is the mother of Brit and wishing her a happy Mother's Day.  I hope she received it and it brought her joy.

Thankfully I was so busy that I didn't dwell much on the loss of the day.  I didn't cry.  I laughed with my boys and enjoyed the present as it was. 

But I would be lying if I said that I didn't pretend that the sleeping angel in my lap was the daughter I was missing.

I know this will get better.  Maybe when Brit gets old enough, she will want to reach out to me on Mother's Day.  That will sure be nice if she does.

So I will leave no on a happier note.  My 18 year old son J thought this would be the best way to give me Mother's Day wishes.

My rearview as I took the kids to school this morning

I guess I know what I will be doing tonight after work.  Carwash here I come.

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