Thursday, March 7, 2013

It is possible to love the whole family and not just the child

I have met some very amazing women since I became part of the adoption world.

Strong women.
Bold women.
Loving women.
Women willing to sacrifice their comfort for the sake of their children.

As you might guess, my favorite women (aside from my sisters in pain, birthmothers), are the mom's who get open adoption and why it is such a loving choice for their child.

Today, the first blog post I read is one that will stay with  me for a long time.  It was posted by my friend Brooke.  I was so glad to read it first thing.  It started my day right.

Choosing to Love More Than One

What Brooke doesn't tell you in this post is that she WORKS HARD to maintain this relationship with her child's first family.

I have watched Brooke reach out and be left waiting for a response for months.  Her daughters first family is sometimes hard to love.  But rather than give up, she LOVES HARD.

She doesn't give up.  It is not easy for her, but in the end, she has found that it is rewarding.  And her hope is that in the end, the person who will ultimately reap the benefit is their daughter.

Another blog I stopped by this morning also talks about loving a birthfamily, even when it hurts.  I love the honesty in this mom's posts about how sometimes it hurts her heart, but it's worth it.  I especially like one of her posts where she talks about how one of her child's birthfamily members has become one of her closest friends through this.

Tears of/and Joy

And as those who read my blog regularly know, this woman is one of my adoption world heroes.  She counsels prospective adoptive families about the beauty of open adoption. And boy does she live it!

Tell me how awesome her girls must feel knowing that at their house they count down the days until their birthmoms arrive for a visit.  What an example of unselfish love is this mother portraying!

Our journey to parenthood

When I look at the pictures on her blog and see her daughters curled up in the lap of their birthmother it makes me melt.

I wish we could get the world to realize that there are so many adopted children who would benefit from the fullness of open adoptions with their birthfamilies.  (Yes, I know there are some situations where it would be a complete detriment to the safety or well being of the child in the case of abuse or excessive addiction.)

But even beautiful relationships can come from adoptions that started as foster placements.  As displayed by the UBER AMAZING Rebecca Hawkes.  Her daughter's first mother had addiction issues that resulted in the removal of her children from her home.  Now Rebecca and her daughter's original mother work together to support women to parent.  And Ashley has the love of two moms.

Ashley's Moms

Open adoption is hard, because it is unselfish.

I am so glad that there are so many families who are willing to work through it, and in return they realize they have just opened themselves up to another family full of love.


RELH said...

Amazing post!

Deb said...

Thank you for this post! I just read Brooke's post and I'm in tears. Beautiful!

Dawn said...


Celeste Rhythm said...

I am so glad that you have chosen to write about your exp. And I am also very glad that I have stumbled upon your blog. Looking forward to following you along your journey

Sharon Pancoast@Online PhD UK said...

No offense, but in my case, I think I can’t handle that. I would definitely crash or just be insane. Maybe because I don’t have the courage to do so. I admire you being strong, for sharing your precious gift and blessing. I wish you all the best and happiness for your 1st and 2nd family. God bless!

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