Monday, September 10, 2012

The email arrived last week

We did receive an email from Brit's parents in response to the letter we mailed them.  The letter to them asked that they might consider opening up our relationship more between our families..

I have processed it enough that I can type this, but enough that I can find a sweet silver lining.  So the usual LisaAnne way of focusing on the positives will have to wait until I can type without tears.

That may be a while.

They are not interested in a familial relationship with us.  They are comfortable with the ways things are and they will let Brit decide when she wants a relationship with us.

That is all I can bring myself to say right now.

I know others of you walk this path with me.  Thank you for the outpouring of support.

Please continue to pray for an opening of their hearts and for God to help comfort mine.  And above all else, pray for sweet Brit, for she is the one who ultimately pays the price for our decisions.


Kellie said...

I am so sorry. I will pray for you all.

Anne said...

Oh...I am so sorry...they just don't get it.

The Annessa Family said...

As an adoptive mama - this breaks my heart. I would give anything for Addies birth mom to WANT more of a relationship with us. I KNOW how important it is for Adelyn as she grows up to know her WHOLE family! I don't get it!

On Loan From Heaven said...

I know this hurts. It hurts me and it's not *me* who's in it.

I admire your resolve... how you refuse to say anything directly negative about them; your words and feelings are all your own and you've done a wonderful job maintaining respect for Brit's parents but expressing your hurt, too.

That's hard to do.

In loving Brit, you love her parents, as well and you've also made that more than clear. I guess this brings Matthew 5:44 to a whole new light :-/

I love you and am honored to call you 'friend'. You are truly an inspiration and I am on my knees praying for you.

This may sound rediculous (and feel free to delete this comment) but you've mentioned before that Brit's parents have read/ read your blog.... if they do, and if they see this, I hope they know that they can reach out to me (and probably any other open adoption mom) if they are interested in talking more about *open* adoption. My brothers are both grown now but having one who sees his birthfamily as distant relatives and one who lived with his birthfather for 3 months this past year, and having adopted, myself, I have a few ideas of the impact (negative AND positive) of open adoption. Judgement aside, I would love to talk to anyone who want to chat about both sides... I've been in and am currently IN both sides ;-)

Stay strong, girl. You are loved.

Cassi said...

I am so sorry. My heart aches for you and your family.

Jess said...

I am so sorry! I have been praying for you and hoping for a different outcome. Unfortunately I was afraid this would happen. I know the grief all too well. I have been dealing with it for the past 12 years when My daughter's APs decided that an open adoption was not for them. I suffer the grief, anger, name it. Again, so sorry (((Hugs)))

m&msmommy said...

Oh dear friend, I am SO sorry! I know those are words, but they are typed with the utmost love and pain for you (and BF). I never knew it was possible to feel so strongly for a situation that you have nothing to do with, but I do. My heart aches as I type this. I will pray, without ceasing, that they have that break through, and decide to change their hearts and their minds in regards to your relationship. As I was praying the other morning I said something along the lines of...Brit is going to be the one hurt the most in all of this when she realizes she had two people (and brothers, and a slew of others, I'm sure!) who wanted to be in her life and weren't given the opportunity. What a shame that there is a child in this world who others are beating down the doors (so to speak) to love and they aren't being allowed! God, please change Brit's adoptive parents hearts, PLEASE! I will continue to pray this prayer, each and everyday. I long for the day that you are able to love on your little girl, more than once a year.

HUGE hugs to you from across the country!

Anonymous said...

They don't want a "familial" relationship. Of course they don't now, even though they most likely promised you the moon before they procured your child.

They got what they wanted now want your child's natural and rightful family out of the picture so they can live in fantasy land and pretend that they are the ONLY family, while they denounce you.

I hope more and more young vulnerable women who may be faced with unplanned pregnancies read these blogs and see what "open adoption" is really about. Hopefully, this will make one less family made thorough "open adoption", off the backs of the grieving, heartbroken and dehumanized natural families of the world. There are plenty enough of us, that is for sure. Too many, actually...

On Loan From Heaven said...

@annonymous... I can feel your hurt through your words. I'm so sorry. For you, for Lisa, and for the 'many others' you mention.

I know that your situation is all too common but... please understand that there ARE adoptive parents who don't just 'uphold' their 'end of the deal'. There are AP's who love and demonstrate their love for their child's First Parents with everything they have in them.

I just felt like we deserved a little acknowledgement.... we are out there; as few of us as there may be ;-)

LisaAnne said...

I do agree Lindsey. There are many adoptive families who do honor their children's birth families and maintain genuine, interactive relationships. And many of you I call my friends.

I don't believe all adoption relationships are bad. Just like I do not believe all marriages are bad just because I know some really bad ones.

People are people. Some people are willing to do hard things. Some people are not.

It applies universally.

Thank you to all of you - my adoptive mom friends - who are willing to do the hard thing, because it is the best thing for your children.

I appreciate your hearts, and the actions you are willing to take to demonstrate that you are committed to real relationships.


On Loan From Heaven said...

I feel a blog post coming... ;-)

Heather @ Cancer Mommy said...

Oh sweetie, Im so sorry. My heart breaks for you. I know this doesnt help much, but just so you know, you can borrow my crazy ass daughter anytime! LOL

Jake and Terri said...

I am so sorry. I hope and pray that someday (soon)they will realize how much richness and joy a birthfamily can bring to adoption. I am so grateful to bithmoms and adoptive families who blog about their open adoption exepriences. We will keep you (and them) in our prayers.

ASP said...

Sending lots of love to you--from one adoptive momma that thinks of you often. XXXX