Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Keep your open adoption alive and positive by keeping your promises

I smiled today as I saw a picture of  an Easter care package that Lindsey sent to her children's birth families this year.  The personal items she includes just melt my heart.

The time and thought she puts into all of the care packages she sends to her children's first families simply amazes me.  Lindsey is that super mom you want so badly to hate because her awesomeness just doesn't seem attainable. (Sorry Lindsey if you are reading this.  But it's true.)

Lindsey obviously has the spiritual gift of GIFT GIVING.  So I comfort myself knowing that my spiritual gifts are different (SERVICE is mine).

But anyway...

Here is what I loved about her post today.  She posts pictures about her care packages as a way to encourage adoptive parents to consider doing something similar so that their child's first families will feel valued and loved.  

She closes her blog post today with this line.  I have underlined my very favorite part of it that I think could stand alone, without any reference to gift giving. 

"I hope this gives you some ideas (pin it for next year!) and encourages you to keep your open adoption alive and positive by keeping your promises."

I wish every potential adoptive parent was required to spend time in counseling with adoptive mothers like her.  The adoption world would be a much better place.


Debbie said...

Thank you so much for sharing. We don't get much response from things we do send so I'm never sure if I should send things for the little holidays.

But that is a great way to keep the connection alive for all of us especially our daughter who is old enough to help with these packages now.

Off to see her post.

Kim said...

Oh no, Debbie! SEND THEM! I was a crazy busy college student and never had time to write back often but I drank up everything that my son's a-mom sent.

LisaAnne said...


I keep sending my cards and gifts too. Also to little or no response. But I continue to do so because I am not sending them for me, but for Brit. I just hope she gets them (I know she does) and that she appreciates them. And when she is older I know it will be even better because she will know who the card/gift came from. Right now I am sure it is just a present that arrived in the mail.

I hope this act of package sending shows Brit that she is/was always on our minds. And gift giving and letter writing is the only way we can make that tangible for her right now since we have no true relationship building with the exception of a two hour visit once a year.

I hope someday she recognizes that we remained faithful to sending her cards, letter and gifts as our way of reaching out for her, when we had no other ability to connect with her.

The fact that your daughter can now participate in the gift making, and letter writing makes that activity as much about remembering your daughter's first family as it is about showing your daughter that you honor her first mother/family.

I agree with Kim. KEEP SENDING THEM.

The Annessa Family said...

Loved this. And thats what it's about - remaining faithful for the sake of the child. I'll still send Addie's birth mom updates no matter what she chooses to do as far as sending packages or letter for Addie.

This gave me some great ideas for future packages! And I need to start blogging what I send too - just as she said - remind others to keep their adoption open by keeping their promises.


Heather said...

I love this post too because I have just been contemplating what to package for our son's birth mom's first Mother's Day without him. I am not the creative sort, and also most people in her life do not know about him, so the combination of those things means that I struggle for ideas. At Easter, I took a picture of Baby Boy with the softest little Easter Bunny and then I sent a "twin" to her. I know it's kind of silly... but I thought it would help her get a picture of his size (in relationship to the bunny) but would also be an inconspicuous item.

I'm going to follow the link you posted to see if this gal has any good Mother's Day ideas. :)

I was also thinking that maybe I could start taking photos of the packages I send, so that Baby Boy can one day look back and see what we sent before he was really able to participate and remember. I feel like the packages are, in some ways, as much for him as they are for her...

LisaAnne said...

I take pictures of what we send too, because I want Brit to be able to see that how we never forgot. We always love(d) her and we did what we could.

I can't help but think that a child would cherish seeing the tangible effort that was made on his/her behalf.

And I love what you did. The twin bunny is a FABULOUS idea.