My wild Friday night

I want to start sharing more about my real life here on the blog too so I don't seem so one-dimensional with the only focus being the birthmother piece of me.

So tonight, I am having a sleep over party for D's birthday.  I have (6) ten year old boys here.  There has been much wrestling, fighting, basketball, video games and this...

And oh yeah, D screamed "My brother eruptured my penis!"   Apparently he got kicked in the boy junk and he is quite sure he might die.  He howled for a full 30 minutes.  Not even kidding.

Sigh.  Just another day in the life of a mother of boys.

Another tell tale sign that I am the mother of boys, I wasn't even phased by the amazing cupcake fire that D created with brithday candles.  There was so much wax that it coated an entire cupcake.

But so far the favorite part of the evening was when the love of my life came over for some snuggle time.  I am so stinkin' in love with this guy!

We call him Baby B, even in the real world.  He is my youngest sister's son and he was born two weeks after Brit.  I am sure there is a psychological reason why I am so in love with him because of misdirected motherly instinct, but I don't care why it is, I love him and he really loves his Aunt Lisa!

I guess I'd better get back to the "party", things are a little quiet which in the world of boys means trouble is brewin'!

What do you say when people ask?

I am still not good at the answer to the question, "So how many kids do you have?"

It is extremely complicated for me because I was a step-mom to a girl and a boy for 13 years.  I consider them both my children still to this day.  Especially the girl.  She and I got along very well for all of those years.  She has a little boy of her own now and I definitely consider him my grandson!

For lots of years I said 5.  I had three biological sons and two step children.  They were all mine.  I fed them, took them to school, fixed what they broke.

So after their dad and I got divorced, I was puzzled once again about how to answer that question.  It was easier with my daughter because she was grown and not living at home anymore.  But my step-son was still part of my life.  Usually I said, 4 boys and a grown daughter.

As time went on, the step-son and I began having less time together, so sometimes I would just say 3 sons.

Then I had Brit.

And just like that, she was gone.

I know I gave birth to her.  And some of the people asking remember that I was pregnant.

She is still my birth daughter.  But I am not her mother in a parenting sense.

So what do I say?

By saying I have 3 boys, I feel like I am denying her existance.  If I say 3 boys and a girl, inevitably it is followed by "Oh I bet you spoil her!  One little sister and all those brothers!"

At that moment the tears well up.

I panic and want to run.

Or, even more poignant and painful, sometimes people ask in front of my kids.  If I answer 3 boys, the youngest will usually pipe up and say "And a sister, but my mom gave her up for adoption."

I've been working on that with him.  But try stopping a 10 year old from saying what's on his mind.

To him, it is what it is. 

To a stranger it is a conversation stopper.

For me, it is a dagger to the heart.

So, what do you say?  Who counts?  And do you defend it to just anyone?