Not too much to say to you today. Just wanted to take the time to let you know that I am thinking about you and wondering what you are up to these days.
BF and I put together a Halloween gift box for you and your brothers and sister. You should have received it by now. I hope you like all of the treasures we sent. It would be really nice if we knew when you got the gifts we send, and even nicer if we got pictures of you playing with or wearing those items, just so that we could see that you were able to enjoy them. Maybe someday you will be able to communicate that back with us when you are older and able to contact us on your own behalf.
It's interesting how almost every time I am out shopping I'm on the lookout for things for you. I have no real reason to browse through the toddler girl section of stores, but I always do. And while I am there I think about what things you might like now and wonder how big you are. Just the other day I sent an email to BF and included a link to a shopping site that had adorable John Deere clothes for little girls (BF works for John Deere, so we like to get you things that are related to that.) In the email I wrote "Our little girl needs some of these!" Interestingly, he had already purchased a couple of the items even before I sent the email. It seems we both think about you all the time.
I know I often talk about gifts and sometimes I feel bad that the focus is on 'things' that we get you. However, since we do not have a personal relationship with you, the only way we are able to show our affection for you is through gift giving and letter writing. BF will never be a great letter writer (as most boys aren't), so you will just have to get used to the letters coming from me. But he and I are both gift givers and we love shopping for you. So at least we have that one way to show you that you are special to us.
I wonder if you have any idea who your gifts come from? Do your parents ever talk about us? Do they tell you how much we love you? Do you know that we wish we could see you more or talk to you? What do you know about being adopted? Do they show you pictures of us and tell you about us? Do you know that you have lots of brothers that don't live with you?
I wish we knew more. I wish we knew what you have been told. I wish we were an active part of your life story.
Someday that will change. I hope and pray for that day to come sooner rather than later. But until then, I hope that letter writing and gift giving all these years will help you later when you wonder why we weren't around for you. Please know it was not our choice. We would be as involved in your life as we were allowed, if we are ever given that option.
We love you to the moon and back little one, and someday we will shower you with that love, attention and affection, and it won't have to be in the form of gifts.
Sending all of my love!