I find this so true of my adoption situation. Nearly everything reminds me of the daughter that we do not have in our lives.
A glaring example has been the past two weeks. I had to buy a new car. Mine was finally at death's door and my mechanic told me he wouldn't work on it any more because I just needed to buy a new car.
So I did the car lots visits. I researched online. I drove several cars for several days.
|The new car|
Finally, this weekend, I purchased a new car. Yes, a brand new car. Something I have never had before in my life, because let'e be honest, who can really afford a new car?
But I did it anyway, because now that I live with BF I have no household expenses and I can afford a car payment. So what is the problem with that?
The first thought in my mind was if I had Brit with us right now, the money I will be spending on a car payment would be what I would be paying for daycare.
The thought immediately made me resent the new car and the trade off that it represents in my life.
|Little Princess playing in the playhouse |
at the car dealership
And to top it off, when the kids got in the car after the soccer game on Sunday, BF's oldest son looked at Little Princess (the little girl I babysit every weekend) who I had buckled in her car seat, and said to her "Hi Brit!" Then he caught himself and said "I mean Little Princess."
I could hardly breathe.
Apparently I am not the only one who thinks about Brit.