She looks alot like me!

Dear Brit,

We got our monthly email update from your parents two days ago.  The stories your dad tells crack us up.  You are a funny little girl and I am so glad he is able to share the stories so well with us.

When I got the email, your brothers were all gone at sports practices and doing other things.  So I sent a text message to them with your pictures.  They love to get the new pictures which they keep on their phones.  They are very proud that you are their sister.

L and Lisa - See, he even lets me hug him!

As soon as I sent the photos, your brother L sent back a text that said "She looks alot like me!".  And he is right.  L had hair just like yours when he was your age.  However, because he is a boy, we cut his beautiful curls off so he had a 'boy' haircut.  However, if we would have let them go, he would have had the very same huge white blonde 'afro' that you do.  Add to it your beautiful blue eyes, just like his and your brother D, and you are very similar looking. (I will admit, that there are also lots of things about you that remind me of BF too, but I'll tell you about that some other day.)

L is the sweetest young man.  Which is strange for a mom to say about a 13 year old boy.  But he is simply amazing.  He is kind, super funny and he loves his family - alot.  At school every girl says that L is their best friend.  I can't believe how many girls and guys both will post on his Facebook page about how he is their 'bestie'.  Makes a mom proud to know that he is so kind to everyone.

And if you were around, you would probably find that he would be your best friend too.  He loves little kids and they love him because he plays with them.  The little girl we watch on the weekends is desperately in love with L.  She follows him through the house.  He carries her all around.  He plays hilarious chase games with her.  They are a blast to watch.

So I hope that maybe you will also get the same sweet and charming temperament that L has.  Because he is and has been a great kid and I expect he will be an amazing adult someday too.

We all love you very much and think and talk about you every single day!  The boys and I can't wait to get to know you better.

Got our monthly update

So since the 25th was this past Saturday, we received our email update like clockwork.

We are so lucky that we get that.  It is so nice to hear a couple of paragraphs about what Brit is up to.

There was no mention of our letter or anything of any significance.  BF sent them a reply today thanking them for the email and the photos.

The wait continues.

But for now, the super cute photos that came attached to the email...

Surprisingly OK, I think...

Yesterday was the 25th and like clockwork, we got our monthly email around 9:30pm.  Brit's dad included 4 adorable pictures (which if you are my FB friend you have already seen).

His email was funny, as always.  I love the stories he tells about Brit.  I feel like I know a little bit more about her life every time I read an email he sends.

I wish I could share the emails with all of you.  Because if I did, I think any person who would read the them would assume we are all best of friends.  The emails are casual, kind, and offer a small picture into Brit's life.  Every email ends with Love, and he signs all of their names (even the babies).

It is so strange to me.  To get these kind emails that by all indications seem to show that our relationship is good, healthy and interactive in some way.

I suppose that is why it is hard to accept that when we email them back, our emails just go to the abyss.  Because it seems like when I email them, I am emailing a friend.

The same is true when I am at the grocery store and I run into Brit's dad (which has happened probably 5 different times with me, and probably 3 times with BF).  We stand there, chat, and never would you guess that there would be any unresolved issues between us.

There is so much more that I could expound upon here with regard to this strange dynamic, but that would not be my original point for this post.

Today I just wanted to post that I got the email, read it, saw the pictures and was able to move on, without any tears.  I didn't get t lump in my throat.  I simply read the email, enjoyed it, and moved on to the next thing.

THIS IS A BIG DEAL.

For some reason in my mind, I read that email and felt the kind feelings I have toward my sister when she shares photos with me of her son (who is the exact same age as Brit).  I was able to laugh, inspect the photos, and it did not cause me two steps backward.

It seems that while I don't like it, I have gotten to some level of acceptance of where this all stands right now. I suppose that is a good thing.  


So why does just typing that, make me cry?...

Maybe I'm not as OK as I think.

The update arrived - cuteness enclosed

Our update arrived in our inboxes like clockwork Saturday night.  As always, Brit's dad gave a beautifully detailed update full of funny Brit stories.  Seriously, his email updates crack me up.  I read them over and over again and I chuckle every time.

It appears she is finally getting some hair, which is about time, considering her 2nd birthday is a month away.  I love the beautiful blonde locks.

In an effort to acknowledge more of the things I am thankful for with my adoption relationship, I must say that in addition to the great monthly email stories, I am grateful that they send great snapshots of Brit.  They are all casual and fun.  The pictures make me smile.  It is great to see Brit in her environment, playing and smiling.  Sometimes she has food on her face, and almost always she is barefoot.  I think those are the greatest pictures because they are real life.

Now, a special request...

For those of you who pray for me, I would ask a specific prayer.

Last year we were granted a visit with Brit around this time of her birthday.  We have reason to believe we will get another one this year too.

My prayer request is that we would be allowed to have our boys involved in the visit this year.  Last year we were specifically asked not to have the boys at the house when they came over so Brit was not overwhelmed.

This year we are hopeful that they do not again share this concern and instead welcome our children meeting their little sister.

Please pray that this will be the case.

Thanks to everyone and your support and encouragement.  I am thankful for every kind word.

And for my absolute favorite, 

which I call "I HATE PIG TAILS!"

Tomorrow is the 25th and we all know what that means...

I have been asked from time to time if getting regular updates causes me more pain than not hearing or seeing would.

The answer is an unequivocal NO!

I live for the 25th of every month.

Just the idea that I will see what she looks like now and hear how she has changed makes me nearly crazy with anticipation the entire week before an update.

The weeks of not knowing are what hurt my heart the most.  The deafening silence is what is painful.

Then we get a picture like this and I melt for a while.

So right now I am thinking about where I might be tomorrow when the email comes in.  Will it be during the day?  Will it be from her mom or dad?  What kind of pictures will they include?  Did she like the Christmas presents we sent?  How big is she now?  What does she say?  What does she play with?

The questions swirl in my head.  I am so glad that within 24 hours I will know the answers to at least some of them.  It's like getting a peek into her little world.

And I will read that email at least 50 times over the course of the next 30 days.  Because that is my only connection to her right now.