I find this so true of my adoption situation. Nearly everything reminds me of the daughter that we do not have in our lives.
A glaring example has been the past two weeks. I had to buy a new car. Mine was finally at death's door and my mechanic told me he wouldn't work on it any more because I just needed to buy a new car.
So I did the car lots visits. I researched online. I drove several cars for several days.
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| The new car |
Finally, this weekend, I purchased a new car. Yes, a brand new car. Something I have never had before in my life, because let'e be honest, who can really afford a new car?
But I did it anyway, because now that I live with BF I have no household expenses and I can afford a car payment. So what is the problem with that?
The first thought in my mind was if I had Brit with us right now, the money I will be spending on a car payment would be what I would be paying for daycare.
The thought immediately made me resent the new car and the trade off that it represents in my life.
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| Little Princess playing in the playhouse at the car dealership |
And to top it off, when the kids got in the car after the soccer game on Sunday, BF's oldest son looked at Little Princess (the little girl I babysit every weekend) who I had buckled in her car seat, and said to her "Hi Brit!" Then he caught himself and said "I mean Little Princess."
I could hardly breathe.
Apparently I am not the only one who thinks about Brit.
