Dear Brit

Dear Brit,

Just wanted to let you know that I bought your first birthday gift this weekend.  Yes, I realize your birthday isn't until 2 months from now, but I just loved it.

BF and I talked about it on Saturday and we are excited to customize it for you.

But my favorite part is that it is sitting on top of my dresser and I see it all the time.  It is a little reminder of you.  And the thought that it will sit on your dresser someday soon makes me smile.

We love you so much!

Dear Brit

It seems I have written you so many times over the past couple of weeks.   I guess that I've just had so many things to say to you.  It's probably the holiday season and the focus that the holidays gives us on the people who are important to us, our family members.  So since we cannot talk to you in person, letters it is!

I couldn't wait to sit down today and tell you about what happened last night.  BF did some Christmas shopping after he got off work and while I was gone at Lanman's basketball game.  He was a bit secretive about what he was getting so I assumed it was something for me for Christmas.

However, when I got home, I found a stack of gifts sitting on top of our dresser.  The entire stack was for you.  It was obvious.

So I after I changed clothes, I came out into the living room and told BF that I absolutely loved what he had chosen for you.  All of it is just perfect for you.

He followed me back into the bedroom and started telling me about why he chose what he did.  It was precious to see the sparkle in his eyes as he talked about each thing and how he thought you would be able to use it.

I had to leave the room and tend to Lanman and D, but from the other room I heard BF ask me what your favorite TV show is because he can never remember the name of it.  I shouted back the name of the show, not exactly sure why he wanted to know.

So once I finished with the boys, I walked back into the bedroom where he was still looking up something on the Internet.  He was determined to find something to go along with your gift.  It made my heart so happy to see how determined he was to find just the right thing for you.  I think I may have fallen in love with him even more at that moment just seeing how much it means to him to find just the right thing for you.  It brings tears to my eyes right now just thinking about it.

Anyway, he found what he was looking for and tonight will will order it and combine it with the gift that he already purchased.  My favorite part is that every bit of the gift was BF's idea.  Normally with the boys, I try to help him get ideas, or I will even buy things for him.  But this gift was all him.  No help from me.

And it is perfect.

I can't wait to send it to you.  I wish we could see you open it and play with it, but we will just imagine what that will be like since we will not be able to know.

We love you very much!

Still here, and even happy

Looking back, most of my posts are melancholy at best.

But, since this is my adoption blog, and my experiences with adoption have been difficult for me to process, it is probably understandable.

I am finding that when I am quiet in the blogosphere, it is mostly because I am so busy in real life, that I don't take time to blog.

That is true now.

The boys are keeping us exceedingly busy with their sports schedules. BF and I are preparing his house for our permanent family blending (read - trying to finish the basement in 1 hour increments of time). And work always keeps us busy.  That busyness is a good thing when it comes to dealing with my adoption loss.  It keeps the mind working on other things, and keeps me from diving into those deep, dark places of grief.

My happy thought for the week has been that we are expecting our Shu.tterf.ly book to arrive in the mail any day now.  I created a photo book of our visit with Brit so we could have it at our house.  It was fun to make and now I can't wait to share it with our kiddos.

I had created and ordered a Pic.aboo photo book for Brit right after her visit.  It had already delivered to our house and we mailed it with an Easter card to her last week.  We also included cards and small Easter books for each of the twins.

Last night I was telling BF that our book should be here any day and he was almost as anxious to get it as I am.  Then, I said something very catty, which in retrospect wasn't very nice, albeit true.  I looked at him and said "I'm so surprised Brit's parents haven't emailed us to thank us for the Easter package we sent them."  To which he and I both exchanged knowing glances and we both chuckled.

I share this only to say, at least I can laugh now.  We have resigned ourselves to knowing this is how our relationship works, and so when things that hurt come up, instead of fighting it, we try to laugh it off since we know that we can't change it and we must accept it at face value.