It strikes again

Today was another morning of waking very early unable to go back to sleep.

I walked outside in the dark for a while, then decided I needed to just go back home.

So I laid back down in bed and the tears just fell.  I spent an hour curled up in a fetal position just crying silently.

BF rolled over and held me.  Not a word was spoken.

My chest physically hurts from the pain of missing a child who is still living, but in a world that I have no access to.

This grief and regret will never go away, and I don't want it to.  Because I have nothing to replace the grief and loss with.  A child is missing.