Now 16 months after Brit was born, I am finally feeling like I can allow myself some moments of joy. I can do things and not immediately remember that I am a birthmother. Now the moments are fleeting, but at least I am having them.
Of course I never ever forget about Brit, just like I don't forget about my parented children. But little by little I am allowing myself to move forward with my life, in spite of the pain.
I had a first date last night and had a wonderful evening. Thankfully he is someone I have known casually for a couple of years and he knows my story. Maybe not in its entirety, but he knows I had a child last year and he knows she was adopted.
So I didn't feel like I had to hide anything. Which in itself is freeing.
I cannot fathom what it will be like if I ever date a stranger. How will I ever explain my sweet Brit? I would want it to be known right up front, but I also don't want it to be the only defining part of me. (Even though it consumes me.)
I need to think about how I will handle that in the future, now that her BF and I are no longer a couple and I do plan to date.
